


Broken Memories

by xxDeja_Uchihaxx



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Best Friend Jean, Homeless Eren Yeager, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Has OCD, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Programmer Levi, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-25 06:44:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 34,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16192226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxDeja_Uchihaxx/pseuds/xxDeja_Uchihaxx
Summary: Eren Jaeger has fallen on tough times. He's living on the street with no recollection of how he got there.Levi Ackerman is a programmer, forced to work from home due to his OCD. He sees Eren living on the street outside of his apartment building and can't help the feeling that he has a connection to this man, no matter how odd it may seem.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a new fic I haven't been able to get out of my head! 
> 
> (Don't worry, I'll keep updating the other fics as I go.) 
> 
> I've got a new chapter of to Have and to Hold in the works and a new chapter of A Little More Than Coffee almost complete!

“Tch...” I grimaced as I scrubbed at the spot on my kitchen counter. I had made a mug of black tea, but a drip of honey had gotten onto my counter. Maybe I should stop using honey all together? I frowned as I scrubbed and scrubbed. The spot was surely gone by now, but my mind just wouldn't let it go.

 

My tea was getting cold by now, for sure but I scrubbed and scrubbed until the paper towel started to breakdown, creating yet another mess. In all reality, I should have gotten up half an hour earlier to handle this situation, but I had no clue that I would have to clean up honey off the counter. My phone started to ring and I finally gave up and threw the towel away, washing my hands quickly before answering it.

 

“Hey Hanji.” I said in defeat. She could always tell I was having an off day by the tone of my voice.

 

“Hey short stacks. Gotten started on work yet?” Hanji asked cheerfully. We talked on the phone constantly and without her gentle guidance, work would be impossible for me.

 

“Not yet. I spilled honey on my counter.” I grumbled. I picked up my mug of luke warm tea and headed to my home office. Somehow, mostly with Hanji's help, I'd managed to complete college. I was a programmer, one of the jobs that was easily completed at home.

 

“You can do it, Levi.” Hanji said. I could hear dishware clinking in the background. She co-owned a coffee shop with my other good friend, Erwin. Sure Hanji was a little scatter brained, but she was a good person and a hard worker. It really helped that Erwin didn't mind her calling me all day.

 

“Shit, I forgot to wipe down my keyboard last night.” I sat my mug down and proceeded to spill tea all over my desk. “And I just spilled my tea. Great.” My heart started to pound at the mess in front of me.

 

“Deep breaths, Levi. You'll get it.” My hands were shaking as I wiped up the tea. I started scrubbing at my desk the same way I'd scrubbed the counter. Hanji encouraged me until she had to get off of the phone to help customers and I was finally able to wipe my keyboard down with rubbing alcohol and sit down to work.

 

For the next nine hours straight, I didn't move for fear of making another mess and interrupting my work. This happened nearly every day and my back suffered by the end of the day. I stretched as I stood up, carrying my empty mug into the kitchen. I cleaned it quickly, but precisely. The sun was already starting to drop in the sky and I hadn't even eaten yet.

 

I washed my hands in the bathroom and actually glanced in the mirror for once. Though my eyes were the same dull gray they always were, they seemed tired. Like a part of my inner light had been lost. Maybe I was tired in general, tired of fighting with the beast inside myself. My hair was the only thing that I liked about myself. I could control my hair. I shaved it underneath and styled it crisply with a perfect part off to the side. It may have been off-center, but it balanced the shape of my face better with the way my bangs hung.

 

With a sigh, I grabbed my reusable shopping back and ventured out of my apartment to the grocery store next door. A homeless man had started sitting next to the convenience store across the street. He was filthy, boots caked with mud and long hair a tattered mess. His eyes always stared at me as I walked and it creeped me out. Just his dirty appearance in general made my skin crawl. There was something about those vibrant green eyes that intrigued me, however, though it wasn't enough to make me actually approach the man.

 

Not in a million years would I get near that ball of filth. Other people felt the same as they crossed the road to avoid walking in front of him, whether it be from his rough appearance or for fear of attack.

 

I quickly bolted next door to the store, picking out items that I could make a quick meal with. I sanitized my hands after touching anything, especially door handles.

 

Skeletons and pumpkins lined the shelves, trying to prepare everyone for Halloween. I didn't bother with decorating. It was something else for me to clean or worry about. I decided on an easy dinner of chicken with rice.

 

“Nice to see you today, Mr. Ackerman.” The girl at the checkout said with a smile. She was hear 5 days a week and never once complained about my odd requests like throwing the receipt away after I left, or not touching my bag. She even kept a box of gloves next to the register on my really bad days, which I appreciated.

 

“I hope you're having a good day, Krista.” I tried to smile, but anxiety was forcing me to frown. I felt like I was drowning, my chest crushed from the weight of being in public.

 

I quickly hurried at the store and ran home, avoiding the ever-staring eyes from the homeless man. He'd been there for a couple of weeks, face growing more hollow with time. I felt sorry for him and sometimes I wondered what happened in his life to force him to sleep on the streets.

 

Dinner was another feat of me trying to keep my kitchen spotless to no avail. Today had been an awful day. Some days were better than others with my OCD. Today was almost unbearable.

 

A knock on my door startled me and I nearly dropped my plate. Hanji was waiting outside like clockwork.

 

“How'd it go?” She said as she slipped off her shoes and stepped inside.

 

“It's been a shitty day.” I said as I started to eat. I tried not to focus on the fact that there were dirty dishes in the sink, but it was nagging at me.

 

“I'll handle the dishes. I'm guessing this is your only meal today?” Hanji scolded me as I nodded and devoured my plate. To say I was starving would be an understatement. She washed dishes all day at work, so I trusted her to wash mine thoroughly. “What's the deal with that guy outside? Should we call the cops on him?”

 

“He's not really hurting anyone and the convenience store doesn't care if he sits outside.” I answered as I cleared my plate. “He just wants to be out of the rain like the rest of us.”

 

“You're the last person I'd expect to take up for a homeless man.” Hanji said as she grabbed my empty plate.

 

“Everyone deserves to be clean and have a warm place to stay.” I answered with a shrug.

 

“Good point I guess.” She said as she walked back into the kitchen.

 

“How was work?” I asked as I leaned back on the sofa.

 

“Not bad. We are trying to get ready for inventory. You should come out for a cup of coffee tomorrow!” Hanji suggested.

 

“Maybe I'll try.” Scout's Coffee was the only place I actually felt comfortable enough to eat or drink in. Hanji and Erwin were constantly cleaning and they took pride in their shop.

 

“Have you thought about going back to therapy? I think maybe you should consider it, Levi.”

 

“This happens every year and you know it, four eyes.” I crossed my arms. October was usually a bad month for me. Not only did I have to deal with the seasons changing, but the memories that accompanied October were nearly too much to deal with.

 

“I'm aware of that, but I still think you should go back.” Hanji encouraged.

 

“Fine. I'll set it up.” Without second thought, I emailed my therapist and scheduled an appointment for two days from now. “Sorry I'm so much trouble for you, Hanji.” I said sincerely.

 

“You aren't trouble, Levi. I just want you to be happy.”

 

Did I deserve to be happy? I'd suffered for so many years and I was nearly too tired to keep doing this. Every day was a grueling experience, like walking through deep mud just to complete one tiny task. Maybe the therapy would help this time. I could only hope.

 


	2. Chapter 2

I would murder that shity four-eyes next time I saw her. I stood in my kitchen on my day off with a jar of honey in one hand and a timer in the other. 

Three minutes seemed like no time at all, but to me it was an eternity. I rubbed my face, anxiety already starting to surface. I'd managed two minutes yesterday before I cracked. I could do this. I placed a drop of honey on the counter and quickly set the timer before I walked away. 

“Three minutes. It's only three minutes. If I can do two minutes, I can easily do three.” I said to myself. My skin was starting to crawl. Maybe...

I swallowed hard and grabbed my shopping bag from it's usual place. I'd emptied my fridge this morning, as usual. I felt horrible for wasting food, but I couldn't handle the thought of eating anything that had been opened or cooked the previous day. I ran out the door and down the steps to the front door of the complex. 

Once again, the homeless man was sitting against the building across the street. He had his legs pulled up to his chest and he was tucked under the overhead ledge of the store, trying to keep the rain off his body. He only had a basic outfit with a long trench coat on and my heart ached at the thought. He must be freezing. It was a cold wet day and the rain was chilling me to the bone as I walked to the store. 

For a few moments, the thought of the honey on my counter left my mind but it was back again, skin itching as I thought about it. 

I bought a can of soup and enough bread to make a grilled cheese, before I ran back home to scrub the stained counter, brilliant green eyes watching me as I ran. 

I scrubbed the counter for over half and hour, wiping it as clean as I could get it. I'd made it twenty minutes. A huge accomplishment in my book. 

The days were starting to blend together, broken up only by my therapy appointments and my at-home job. October was going to be a long month. 

 

The following morning felt like a breath of fresh air. I was off again and I got an early start that morning. I was determined to go and get coffee at Scout's today. My therapist had recommended getting out of the house for a while and though I had the task of touching a door handle without using hand sanitizer for at least 5 minutes, I was looking forward to it. I sipped my tea as I leaned on my windowsill. It was raining again, but the temperature had dropped overnight, turning the rain into sleet as it fell. 

I frowned as I looked out the window. The homeless man was still out there, jacket pulled tight around him. Was there really no place for him to go? He had a small cardboard sign in front of him, asking not for money, but for food. My stomach lurched as I read it. 

I knew immediately what I had to do. I pulled the leftover container of soup of out my fridge and popped it in the microwave. I would never eat it, but maybe a decent meal would warm him up. I took an empty box out of my closet and threw in a plastic spoon, the opened loaf of bread I'd gotten yesterday and a few slices of wrapped cheese. The cheese would be fine until it's expatriation date in my fridge, since it was individually wrapped, but why shouldn't I share it? 

I threw in a box of crackers and saw the blanket I had been avoiding on top of the washing machine. I'd gotten ink all over it and though I had washed it, the stain wouldn't come out. Even if it was a gift from Hanji, I knew I'd never use it again so I threw it in the box. The man could use it more than I could. 

I slung my bag over my shoulder and picked up the box as I headed out the door. 

The wind was as cold as it looked, immediately tinting my cheeks pink as I stepped outside. I felt my heart hammering as I walked across the street. This guy was filthy and though he didn't smell that bad, he looked like he'd been rolling around in grime. 

“I ugh...” I didn't get close. I sat the box down a good ten feet away from him. I couldn't bring myself to get any closer, by skin starting to crawl as I looked at him. Those bright green eyes were staring at me, filled with disbelief. “I'm not scared of you, I just have issues. I brought this for you. The soup should be warm still.” He stood up and started walking towards me, his frame looking thin even in the long coat he wore. 

“Thank you. You have no idea what this means to me. I have nothing out here.” He said with a smile. As he got closer, my heart began to hammer in my chest. If I could leave honey on my counter for twenty minutes I could stand next to him for a minute or two. 

“You're welcome. I'd rather you have it then it get no use at all.” I said with a small smile. 

“What's your name? I see you walking to the store every day.” He said with a grin, mustache tickling the top of his lip. His eyes were vibrantly full of life and I swallowed hard at the sight. It was sad to see someone with eyes like that so down on their luck. He seemed young too. My glances from the street had assured me that he was an older man, but he was clearly younger than me. Barely over the age of 18 if I had to guess.

“Levi. And yours?” 

“Eren. Eren Jaeger.” He reach out his hand and I wanted to shake it, but I took a step back. 

“S-Sorry. Really. I...” I shook my head and frowned. 

“No, my bad. I forgot.” He said with a wave as he picked up the box and took it over to the dry corner of the store. “You don't like germs, right? Thanks for this, really.”

My eyes went wide as I watched him sit down and wrap the blanket around himself. He started to eat the soup, smiling as he slurped the broth. 

“How did you know that?” I leaned against the brick wall and tucked my hands into my pockets. 

“You never touch door handles and I've seen you throw yourself into the side of a building just to avoid bumping into people. It was a lucky guess.”

“A spot on guess...” I said with a frown. “Do you think I'm strange?”

Eren raised an eyebrow curiously at me as he ate his soup. 

“I don't judge people based on their issues. You didn't judge me based on my appearance, so why should I do it to you? My first impression of you, is that you have a kind heart. A very kind heart to help out dirty stranger that you've never met before.” 

My phone started to ring and I waved to him before I darted off towards the coffee shop. My skin was starting to crawl again, yet somehow I'd managed to forget about the feeling as I talked to the man. Those eyes of his were strangely calming, almost in a familiar way. 

“I'm on my way, Hanji. I had something to take care of.” I hung up and stuffed my phone in my pocket, before I pulled my scarf tighter around my face. I may have helped a little, but the temperatures would be plummeting in the next few days. I barely knew Eren, yet I was oddly concerned about the stranger. 

The coffee shop was pretty close to my apartment, thankfully. I was never really sure where I could rest my eyes as I walked. One disgusting thing after another crossed my path as I walked and it made my stomach churn as I thought about it. I didn't go outside often, but maybe with time things could seem almost normal. I was working on my OCD every day, though the hurdles seemed enormous. 

“Levi! Welcome, welcome!” Erwin said as he waved to me from the counter. Erwin came over occasionally, sometimes for the occasional drink together, but I'd be lying if I said I hadn't turned into a hermit lately. 

I ordered a bagel and a cup of tea, without honey this time. I didn't even want to bother with it. 

“So, what's for dinner tonight?” Hanji asked as she sat my bagel down in front of me, along with my tea. She joined me in the booth with a grin. 

“I'm not sure. Nothing too complicated.” I said with a shrug. “Why?” 

“I want to come eat with you. Erwin too!” I glanced over at Erwin and he walked towards us. Their morning rush had died down and Mike was working the counter for the occasional customer that wandered in. 

My heart began to hammer. My house wasn't clean enough for guests. I was a terrible cook that only made easy meals that kept the mess in my kitchen to a minimum. 

“I-I...” I stuttered and the spoon that I'd been stirring my tea with clattered to the table. “Crap. I...I don't know. The last few days have really been off for me.” I defended. 

“Levi, we accept you as you are, but that doesn't mean we want you to be lonely.” Erwin said with a small smile.

“I'll help clean up.” Hanji offered.

“And I'll even help cook. Or I can cook something here and just bring it over.” The blonde man said with a grin. I did trust Erwin's cooking after all, so maybe it wasn't a bad idea. 

“You'd do that?” I asked as I picked up the filthy spoon and set it on the far side of the table. 

“Of course we would, short stuff. You are practically family.” Hanji said as she reach out a gentle hand to lay it across my own, before deciding against it. Things had been so different years ago. I could see how I hurt both of them, even if it wasn't my own choice to do so. 

“We'll see you after work.” Erwin said with a wink. 

“And don't kill yourself trying to scrub your house spotless. God knows it's already cleaner than a hospital.” Hanji cackled. 

I finished up my bagel and tea, having on and off conversation with the two of them as I did so. Erwin cleaned up my dishes afterwards and put away my tea cup on its own special shelf after he'd washed it. I was the only one allowed to drink from that cup and it made me smile thinking about how much the pair had went out of their ways to make me happy. I leaned on the table and looked out the window as I listened to the soft piano music play in the coffee shop. 

It was still raining outside, but just from looking out the window you could feel the moisture and cold in the air. My eyes went wide as I spotted a familiar face in the shop across the street. 

“Petra?” 

“Yeah, she owns the boutique across the road.” Erwin said as he swept next to me. Petra had gone to High School with the three of us, four if you count Mike. She remembered the old me, before things had gone south. She even went to college with Hanji and myself for a couple of years, before she transferred to another school. 

“Petra has always been nice to me. She has gentle eyes.” I commented. I looked at the window of her shop, spotting a knitted scarf in the front that resembled that brilliant green that was growing on me. I ran my fingers over the scarf I was wearing. I'd had it for years and the threads were starting to fray on it from constant washing, but it was still warm at least. 

“You should go visit her someday, Levi. She talks about you whenever she comes for coffee.” Erwin replied. 

My eyes fell to the spotless table in front of me and I picked at the loose thread on my scarf. “Is her shop clean?” I asked curiously. 

“Nearly spotless. It's a little un-organized in spots, but that's to be expected in a clothing store.” Hanji said from the counter. “People just pick up shirts and don't know how to fold them back.” 

“There's no dust? What about the windows-”

“It's clean, Levi. We know how you feel about dust and grime. We'd never send you to a place that would make things worse for you. You should know that by now.” 

“Maybe I'll go over...” I stood up and Erwin's eyes went wide. 

“You're really going?”

“Amazing, Levi! Great job!” Hanji said as she started to clap. 

“I'll see you guys this evening.” I said as I waved to them and headed out the door. It was a short walk across the street and I brushed some of the rain off my jacket. 

“Levi? It's so good to see you!” Petra said with an excited smile. She made a move to hug me and I lunged back, nearly falling over a manequin in the process. 

“I-I'm sorry! I can't-” My fists were clenched and she took a step back. 

“Sorry about that! I forgot...” Her smile remained warm and luckily nothing got knocked over. “What brings you in?”

“I wanted to buy that scarf actually. Does it stand up to washing pretty well?”

“Yeah, it should hold up great. This is from our everyday wear collection.” She picked it up out of the display and held it in front of me. I wanted to touch it, to make sure the fibers were soft, but they looked soft enough. I spotted a clearance bin of gloves in the corner. 

“I'll take it. And a pair of gloves as well, please.” I pointed to the bin, refusing to touch anything in the store. Not that it didn't seem clean, but because I didn't know for a fact. “Any color is fine.” 

I wasn't particularly picky about colors, really. The only color I refused to wear was white. Once it was stained, it was nearly impossible to get the stain out, so I steered clear of it. These gloves weren't for me anyways. 

Petra bagged up the gloves and scarf and I pulled out my debit card to pay for it all. I made decent money as a programmer and honestly, I had a good chunk in my savings. I barely went out, and when I did it was usually only to buy cleaning supplies or groceries. My rent wasn't all that much and everything that was left sat in my bank account, unused. 

“Come back and see me again, Levi! Maybe we can have coffee sometime!” Petra said with a wave. I hoped she was right. Petra was always accepting of me, even after things had changed. I walked outside and went to slip on my own gloves before freezing in place. 

I hadn't used hand sanitizer since I left Scout's. I'd touched a public door handle three times without noticing until now? I felt a little sick at the though and immediately pour the germ-x on my hands and rubbed them together. 

I rushed back towards the apartment. I wanted another hot shower to wash away the lingering germs from being in public. I glanced over to where Eren sat normally, noticing he was gone, along with all of his things. 

“Maybe he got out of the cold and rain at least.” I murmured to myself as I darted inside. I needed to sweep and mop the apartment for Hanji and Erwin at least. They were my friends, so they could deal with a little bit of mess without complaining much.


	3. Chapter 3

“ _Heichou! Levi Heichou!” A voice was screaming at me, hands reaching towards me. Brilliant green eyes were looking down at me, soft fingers caressing my cheek. “Thank the gods. I thought you were done for._

 

“ _E-Eren?” It looked just like him, those firey emerald green eyes peering straight into my soul. His hair was different. It was shorter and clean. He was dressed nicely in a black button-up. “What happened?” I asked as I sat up a bit. Lush pillows were propped behind me and strong arms guided me to sit up straight. Things were starting to slip into place. This place was familiar to me, Eren was familiar._

 

“ _Hanji mixed some strange drink for you and you ugh...” Eren scratched at his head with a nervous smile._

 

“ _Spit it out.” I snapped._

 

“ _You got a little drunk and ran into a wall.” he said with a snicker. I could tell he was holding back a laugh, but his grin gave him away._

 

“ _My god, it was in front of the commanders no doubt.”_

 

“ _Obviously.” Eren said with a smirk. “You don't handle your alcohol very well, Heichou.”_

 

“ _Like you have room to talk, brat. One glass of wine and you are practically crawling into bed with me.” I smirked. I thought about it for a second and cleared my throat. “Ugh, don't tell Erwin about that. You aren't really supposed to drink...”_

 

“ _Come on, Levi. I'm old enough to crawl into your bed, right?”_

 

“ _It's not an age thing. We've talked about this before. Eighteen years old or not, it's still not good to have a titan-shifter in a state of altered consciousness. For obvious reasons.”_

 

“ _And the man that's supposed to guard said titan-shifter? I wonder what the commanders think about you getting hammered in front of them.” Eren picked at me and I sighed. He was the only one that could get away with that. I had a soft spot in my heart for him, a love I'd never experienced before. He knew I was weak when it came to him. The commanders knew it as well. We were well past the point of expecting me to eliminate my lover if it came down to it. I'd take my own life, before I was forced to take his._

 

“ _What was that look about?” Eren asked softly as he ran his fingers through my hair, soft touches setting my skin on fire more than any drink ever could._

 

“ _You know I love you, right?” I said seriously as I reach towards him. Maybe it was the alcohol talking, but my heart truly craved this man. We were both broken, yet somehow our pieces had found each other and wove themselves together._

 

“ _Of course I do, Levi.” the brunet said with a gentle smile. “I feel the same way about you.”_

 

_I reach out and placed my fingertips over his heart, feeling the soft fabric of his shirt wrinkle under my touch._

 

“ _That's all I was thinking about, Bright Eyes.”_

 

“ _If that's all, then you should get some rest. Commander Erwin said something about joint training at 6am with the Garrison.”_

_  
“Yeah, right. With the way Erwin was knocking back those shots of brandy? I doubt we will even have training tomorrow. Just you watch, they will call it off at 5am from the floor of their bathroom with a hangover from hell. I know Erwin.”_

 

“ _Even so, we should get some sleep.” Eren chuckled and started to slip off his shoes. We shared a room now, since our relationship was no secret. Eren had proven himself not only as a hero of humanity, but as a soldier. The residents of the walls could care less about him. They understood he wasn't a threat to them._

 

_Eren blew out the lantern and slid into bed next to me, snuggling close. My cheeks were still hot from the drinks, but Eren was even warmer, comforting me in a way no drink ever could._

 

“ _Night, Bright Eyes.”_

 

“ _Goodnight, Levi.”_

 

 

I bolted upright in bed and looked at my clock. It was barely after 4am, but I knew for a fact I wouldn't be sleeping again any time soon.

 

Why did I keep having these dreams? They had increased to just about every night and every dream involved Eren. I hadn't seen him in nearly a week and my stomach sank at the thought. Maybe it was guilt of not helping him sooner that was troubling me. Did I feel so guilty that my mind was building it's own world to justify my actions?

 

This world I'd created in my dreams was a cruel one, but Eren had been in every single one with those brilliant green eyes guiding my way. I needed to talk to my therapist about it really, but he was out of town this week.

 

I groaned and rubbed my face. I was exhausted. Yesterday had been a really bad day for me. I had scrubbed my teacup until my fingers bled and now these dreams kept waking me up every hour or two. I had more than a little wiggle room on my current project, so maybe I could take a sick day for once.

 

I got out of bed and headed to the bathroom to get ready for my day. If I ended up back in bed later for a nap, I wouldn't be upset about it. My body needed rest, whether my mind agreed with it or not. After a quick shower, I started my routine. I glanced out the window just in case before I threw away my leftovers from yesterday.

 

My heart leapt a little at the familiar face. His hair was tied back today, though it was as messy and dirty as always. Where had Eren been these last few days? With a curse, I knocked over the jar of honey, but I refused to miss him this time. I packed up my leftovers and picked up the bag that contained the freshly washed gloves and my old scarf. The new green one hung on my coat rack, so I grabbed it and wrapped it around myself before stepping into my boots.

 

Without a second thought, I darted outside. Even if he was a stranger, even if he was filthy and homeless, Eren felt familiar to me. It may be ridiculous, but my dreams had made him seem like a friend, like someone I'd known for years.

 

“Levi?” Green eyes looked at me as I walked over. “It's still dark out. Have you even slept?” He asked as he stood up, carefully folding the blanket I'd given him before walking towards me. I saw a fading bruise above his eye and my mind began to wonder. Was he in a fight? Did he assault someone? Eren seemed like an alright guy, but how could I know for sure.

 

“I didn't sleep very well, but I saw you out here finally. I got these gloves for you a few days ago, but I hadn't seen you since.” I admitted as I set the bag down with the leftovers next to it.

 

“Yeah, a few bratty kids tried to run me off. I had to lay low for a few days.”

 

“They hurt you?” I asked as I looked him over.

 

“Just a few bruises. It wasn't really a fair fight, not that I'd even fight back against kids like that. I was young and stubborn as a kid. I know what it's like...” he said with a sigh.

 

“That's really shitty of them to bully you like that.” I sighed as I leaned against the wall.

 

Eren dug through the bag with a smile as he wrapped my old scarf around him and slipped on the gloves. “Thanks for this. You make me realize that there are still good people in this world.”

 

“It's the least I can do. Humanity isn't so bad after all.” I said with a smile. His eyes went wide for a moment as he stared at me, an odd gleam in his eyes.

 

“Tell me, Levi. Have we met before? You seem a bit older than me, but I get the nagging feeling that I know you.” He said as he leaned against the wall next to me.

 

“I don't think so. Not that I remember at least. Did you grow up here?” I asked curiously.

 

“I...can't remember actually. Something happened a couple of months ago and my mind hasn't been the same. I can remember things like my birthday and name, but I can't remember much of anything else. That's sort of the reason I'm out here, honestly.” he said with a shrug. “It's just temporary, like I said before. I'm not sure where I belong, but I know i'll get back there one day.”

 

A part of me was nagging to invite him inside out of the cold, but I knew for a fact I'd break over something like that. Not only the fact of having a filthy man in my house but just having a stranger in general.

 

“Hopefully everything will work out for you Eren. I'll keep trying to help you out as I can in the meantime.”

 

“I appreciate that, Heichou.” He said with a smile. I froze for a moment. It could have been a slip of the tongue. Maybe he'd called me that previously and it stuck in my mind for me to dream about it.

 

“I need to get back inside, but try and stay warm out here.” I muttered as I walked off.

 

As I walked inside and shut the door behind me, I remembered the honey I'd knocked over. I turned around the corner and looked into the kitchen. My breath stopped and I took a step back.

 

“Fuck. FUCK! I'm an idiot!” My chest started to tighten as I watched the honey drip down the counter into a sticky puddle on the floor. Why had I left it? Was Eren so important that I didn't give a shit about the mess? I was dealing with the consequences now, however. I fell back onto the floor, a rush of anxiety flowing through me. I'd never get this shit cleaned up. The floor would be sticky for the rest of my time in this apartment. I couldn't control the situation, couldn't even breathe.

 

I picked up my phone and speed dialed Hanji.

 

“Levi? What's up. It's early still.”

 

“C-Can't.” I coughed and held my chest. The room was closing around me.

 

“Levi?! Are you having a panic attack?” Concern welled up in her voice.

 

“Y-Yes.” I managed to choke out before I dropped the phone. I felt like I was going to die, tears dripping down my cheeks.

 

I was an idiot for letting this happen. If I hadn't gone outside, if I hadn't gone to see Eren, I wouldn't be in this situation.

 

Within minutes, Hanji was pounding on my door. I was cowering in the corner at this point, the crushing weight of my anxiety freezing me in place. I heard the key turn in the lock and Hanji rushed over, bunny slippers still on her feet.

 

“Levi! What happened?” Hanji kneeled down next to me. I simply pointed to the kitchen. “Oh shit. I'll clean it up. Come on, let's get you out of here.” Hanji said as she wrapped her arm around my shoulder and helped me up. I was already panicking, so her touching me wasn't going to make it any worse. “Erwin is outside in the car.” I put on my boots as I rubbed at my eyes and held my chest. I felt like a total waste. Hanji didn't have to deal with this. She could have left me alone years ago, but for some reason, she stuck by me.

 

She ushered me out the door and I wrapped my scarf around myself, tears dripping down into the soft fabric. I saw Erwin's car in the convience store's parking lot and I darted across the street.

 

“Levi?” Eren stood up and walked over to me. “What happened?”

 

I shook my head and ran off towards Erwin's car. It's not that I didn't want to tell him, but more the fact that it was hard to think straight, let alone form words. We sped off towards Erwin's apartment without another word.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with me during these slow writing days. Motivation is hard for me to find on a good day, let alone a bad one <3 I appreciate you all.

“Did you know that man, Levi?” Erwin asked as he set a cup of tea down in front of me. There weren't many places that I felt comfortable, but Erwin's house was clean enough. He had a maid come in to clean almost daily and the place was neat and tidy.

 

“Who?” I raised my eyebrow. I was feeling better already. Erwin let me keep a few changes of clothes at his house for occasions like this. A shower really helped sometimes. Hanji was still at my apartment, cleaning the mess.

 

“The homeless guy by the store.” Erwin said as he sat next to me.

 

“His name is Eren. Just a guy down on his luck.” I said with a frown, before I sipped my tea.

 

“You talk to this man?” Erwin asked curiously.

 

“Occasionally.”

 

“He's the last person I'd expect you to talk to, let alone get near.”

 

“He doesn't seem like a bad guy.” I defended.

 

Erwin chuckled. “I'm not talking about his personality, Levi. He's filthy.”

 

“He can't help it, Erwin.” I snapped. I covered my mouth, immediately regretting my choice of tone.

 

“You are really defensive of this man, Levi. It's intriguing. Someone like you, that's hates dirt and grime being friends with a guy like that.”

 

I felt crazy for it, honestly. Something drew me to Eren, something buried deep within my consciousness. I couldn't say that to Erwin. He'd think I lost my mind completely.

 

“Whatever makes you happy, Levi. Hell, it's good to see you getting defensive about something for a change. It seems like you've been making some improvements at least.”

 

“I'm really working on it. It's hard, but...” I trailed off as I glanced at the calendar on Erwin's wall. “I'm trying my best.”

 

“It's all you can do, Levi.” Erwin said as he picked up my empty mug. I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was curl up and sleep the rest of the day away.

 

Eventually, Hanji finished cleaning up the kitchen to my standards and I was able to go home and get in bed. It was still pretty early in the day and I felt guilty for throwing off Hanji and Erwin's morning, but I knew I could always rely on them.

 

I pulled my blankets up over myself and let my eyes slip shut, ready to get some decent sleep for a change.

 

“ _There's Captain Levi!” Someone called from the street as I walked. “He's got the shifter with him! Look! They are heroes!”_

 

_I turned to my side and Eren was walking next to me. He'd gotten so tall since I first met him, towering over me by at least a foot._

 

“ _It's still odd to be called a hero.” Eren said with a smile. He reach for my hand and I gladly took it. The past few years hadn't treated us kindly. My joints ached when cold weather settled in and Eren looked more on the haggard side these days, almost in a permanent state of exhaustion from constantly driving his body to the point of breaking._

 

_Eren pulled me a bit closer to his side, attempting to sheild me from the bitter cold wind._

 

“ _It's funny how things turned out.” I said with a small smirk. “After all these years, you turn out to be the one protecting me.”_

 

“ _Circumstances change with time. I'll gladly repay you for all the times you've protected me.” Eren said as he looped his arm around my waist and tugged me right up against his side. His warmth radiated against me and I had to say I enjoyed walking like this, even if our height difference made us look ridiculous._

 

_We were headed to a pub for lunch, something we did once a month. It helped break up the grim military lives we led, though the front lines were becoming less dangerous by the day. The threat of titans had almost completely been eliminated._

 

“ _Do you think we'll ever retire?” Eren asked before he took a bite of his chicken pot pie._

 

“ _I doubt it, but maybe one day. Why are you talking about retirement? You're only twenty-two.”_

 

“ _I feel like a sixty year old.” He said with a chuckle. “My body didn't really stand up to all the shifting and fighting.”_

 

“ _That goes for both of us I guess.” I shrugged. “Who knows, maybe one day we can retire. Settle down next to the ocean with a small house and a few friends nearby.”_

 

“ _I'd like that a lot, actually.” Eren said with a smile, those bright eyes lighting up as he looked into mine._

 

“ _Maybe one day, Bright Eyes.”_

 

 

I sat up in bed and walked into my living room to look out the window at the haggard man sitting on the sidewalk, my old blanket wrapped around him.

 

“Why do I keep dreaming about you? None of this makes sense...” I shook my, before glancing at the clock. I'd only slept for thirty-minutes. I was exhausted to the point of breaking, but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. Maybe I would just get a head start on cleaning for the week.

 

With a sigh I went to change to get ready to clean the whole house.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and supporting me. Always <3

I watched in horror as the nape of Eren's titan was bitten, the female titan successfully capturing him in her mouth. I chased after them, slicing her to pieces with Mikasa's help. He was disgusting when I pulled him out, cover in slime, but at least he was safe.

 

“Eren! Eren! Talk to me, brat.” I was wiping him off, trying to get him to open his eyes. My leg was injured, but that didn't matter right now.

 

“Levi...” his eyes fluttered open and it was all I could do to hold back tears.

 

“Fuck. I thought you were dead.” I shook my head and continued to clean him off. His young face smiled at me, emerald green eyes looking up at me.

 

“I'm fine. Just a little tired.” he muttered. The lines from him shifting were still on his face, marking him as a monster to some, but not to me.

 

“I'm glad. You have no idea.”

 

I snapped awake as I hit the floor. This nightmare had been a terrifying one. They were getting more and more consistent, and each one had been bloodier than the next. I'd elected to take a nap at 6:30 in the evening, my body worn out from the constant lake of sleep. This had been going on for weeks now.

 

I pulled myself off the floor and walked into the living room, all hope of falling asleep thrown to the wind. Halloween was tomorrow, not that I'd be giving out candy. The sky looked darker than usual as the sun started to slip down to the horizon. I saw snowflakes falling in the bright streetlight and it made me shiver. Eren had to be frozen to the bone.

 

I looked down to the sidewalk, silently praying that he had someplace warm to stay tonight. I'd gotten to know him a little better from the small talks we shared when I brought him leftovers. He was a decent man, down on his luck.

 

“Stop it! He didn't even do anything man!” I heard someone yelling in the alley.

 

“He's a bum! He's the problem with this city!” My eyes went wide and I stepped into my boots before I hauled ass down the steps.

 

“Stop it!” I yelled. I couldn't control myself as I ran towards them.

 

“Why do you care? He's just a piece of trash that doesn't want to work. He'd rather beg than get a job.”

 

“Shut the fuck up. You know nothing about him!” I yelled.

 

Eren was cowering against the brick wall, shielding his face from the blows.

 

“If you think he's such a great guy, then why do you leave him out in the snow?” The guy was slurring his speech, obviously drunk.

 

“I-I...” I couldn't answer that. Not that he'd listen anyways. In one swift motion he pulled Eren back and threw him against the wall. I hit my breaking point and lunged at the main, sinking my fingers into his shoulder before I tossed him halfway across the street. “I said leave him alone.” I all but growled it, not giving a damn about the fact that I touched the man. Eren needed to be protected.

 

“Fuck you!” The drunk man spit on my boots before walking off.

 

“Eren. Are you alright?” I knelt down next to him.

 

He leaned forward into the light and blood started dripping onto the sidewalk next to my boots.

 

“They got me pretty good.” Eren said with a frown. He was trying to cover the cut on his forehead, and I reached forward and pulled his hand away. My anxiety was starting to soar, but something inside, that primal feeling to protect him, helped me overcome it, if only temporarily.

 

The blood on his fingers touched my skin and I was immediately overwhelmed by panic and fear. Something about the blood, about Eren being hurt lit something inside of me.

 

“Come inside. Now.” I ordered. I helped Eren up and though he was limping a bit, I managed to get him upstairs to my apartment.

 

“You don't have to do this, Levi. I know you don't like grime.” Eren insisted. “I'm no one, it shouldn't even matter!” I paused as I went to turn my doorknob.

 

“You aren't a nobody!” I yelled it, finding the strength in my voice after more than 8 years. “Why don't you understand that?!”

 

Eren's eyes went wide at my tone and I shivered as I watched blood drip down his face.

 

“Sorry...I don't know what's happened to me. I'm not like this usually.” I said with a frown.

 

Eren shook his head and gave me a soft smile. “You don't have to apologize. I'm thankful for any help you've given me, Levi.”

 

“Then get your ass inside.” I said as I let us both into my apartment. My heart was pounding, not used to strangers being in my home. Something felt different though, like Eren wasn't really a stranger. I'd seen him so much in my dreams that he was becoming a part of me. None of this made sense.

 

I tugged Eren down the hallway, instinctively kicking my shoes off at the door.

 

“Ugh...Levi?” Eren said my name with curiosity in his voice as I tugged him into the bathroom. I looked down at our joined hands, not realizing that I'd be holding his hand since I helped him up. My cheeks flushed and I dropped his hand, before washing my hands under hot water. I pulled out the first aid hit and started cleaning the cut on his forehead after I had him sit down on the closed toilet.

 

“I...I didn't mean to...” I muttered as I wiped the blood and grime off of Eren's forehead.

 

“Don't sweat it, Levi. Really.” Eren's eyes were closed as I flushed the wound on his head.

 

“This doesn't make any fucking sense.” I mumbled. Tears started to sting my eyes. I wasn't having a panic attack, I wasn't scrubbing a spot of honey over and over. I was cleaning a wound, just enough to bandage it properly. I didn't want to scrub too hard and hurt Eren.

“What doesn't? Is the wound deep?” Eren asked as he peaked an eye open.

 

“No, the bleeding has stopped already. I just...” I shook my head as I started wiping the blood off of his face with a wet cloth. “How can I touch you? How...”

 

Eren opened his other eye and looked up at me, vibrant greens staring into my soul. “It doesn't bother you that I'm dirty?”, he asked.

 

I shook my head, a tear streaking down my cheek. “This is stupid. You're a stranger but....” I kept wiping the blood away, revealing clean skin underneath. He was slightly tanner than me, but not by much. His cheeks were still flushed from being out in the cold.

 

“You feel like you've known me for years?” Eren asked with a smile.

 

“You feel the same?” I asked as I nearly dropped the washcloth in my hand.

 

“I knew you before I even met you, Levi.” Eren said seriously. “Do you have the dreams, too?”

 

My eyes went wide and I did drop the washcloth this time, my hands starting to shake. “I've barely been able to sleep the last few weeks because of them.” I whispered.

 

“They aren't just dreams, Levi. They are memories. From some time in the past where we knew each other. I've been having them for years.” Eren said softly.

 

I dropped to the floor next to him and pulled my knees up to my chest. Did he have the exact same dreams? When I saw him as more than just a subordinate. When we shared soft touches in bed, or whispered gentle words to one another? I choked out a sob and dropped my face in my hands, unable to grasp the situation. It was too much.

 

I felt a soft hand wrap around my own and honestly I didn't give a damn if it was filthy. I was covered in Eren's blood, in dirt and grime from his clothes and from the streets.

 

“I'm sorry about all this, Levi. I know it's a lot to handle all at once.” Eren muttered.

 

I frantically shook my head. Everything was changing. There was no reversing this and ever since I'd first seen Eren, things had already changed.

 

I felt disgusting and dirty, not because I was covered in filth, but because I had failed to protect Eren. It was my job. For the sake of humanity, I- “I can't tell anything apart anymore. Everything is all muddled together. My memories of you, my duties, my job, my friends.”

 

“It's just going to take time.” Eren tried to soothe me, giving my hand a squeeze. My emotions weren't making sense, these feelings I had for someone so new in my life were too rushed.

 

“You don't think I'm crazy?” I asked as I looked over at him.

 

“Of course I don't. I've been through this and I've helped a couple of friends through it as well.” Eren said sternly. “We were heroes, Levi. You were special to me then. I never thought I'd actually meet you in this lifetime. Everything is so different.”

 

“I feel like...” I groaned and tugged on my hair, fingers digging into my own scalp. “I've never felt this way about anyone, Eren. And it makes no fucking sense. I barely know you, but...” Eren held up his other hand and shook his head.

 

“I know how you feel, but I don't want you to get too wrapped up in things, Levi.” Eren said seriously. “Just take some time to let your mind rest, to let your emotions calm down a little. I don't want you to make any important decisions based on how you felt in the past.”

 

I shut my eyes and nodded. Eren was right. Any drastic decisions would not be a good move right now. I needed time to gather my thoughts, to really grasp my emotions. On the other side of that, having Eren by my side calmed me. Protecting him gave me a sense of purpose. Small things didn't matter as much as my memories of him.

 

“Heichou...” Eren murmured my name and I knew he was hurting just as much as I was. Not to mention the fact that he had no where else to go. I decided in that moment that I wouldn't let him out of my sight again.

 

“Eren...stay here. Please. I don't want you out in the cold. I want you safe. I want...” I shook my head and rubbed the tears from my eyes as I looked over at the filthy man sitting next to me in the bathroom floor. “Just please stay.”

 

“I don't want to impose. You have enough stress to handle as it is.” Eren insisted.

 

“No. Just...” I reached out and took his hand in mine again. “It may sound insane, but I haven't even been able to touch a public doorknob in over 8 years, but...” I looked down at Eren's hand, fingernails caked with grime. “Something about you is soothing and I don't want to let that go.”

 

He smiled and me and swallowed hard, before nodding. “I can get a job. I just need to get an outfit or two and I'll start working-”

  
I shook my head. “I want you to recover from this first. You've been on the streets for so long. I have more than enough to support us for a while. I think I'll take some time off from work as well.” I said with a sigh. My skin was starting to crawl again, a not so friendly reminder of the daily struggle I faced. Eren's presence was a distraction at least, if only temporarily.

 

I started rubbing at my arms first, then scratching, trying to get rid of the crawling.

 

“If you feel like I won't be a burden to you. Levi, I'll wait outside. Take a shower, I know you want one.” Eren said as he got to his feet.

 

“Eren-” I said his name and he smiled at me as he stood. He offered me his hand and I stood up, shivering at the feeling of grime and blood covering my skin.

 

“Levi, a few more minutes outside aren't going to kill me. The bleeding has stopped. I'm fine.” He reassured.

 

“No.” I said as I shook my head. “What if those guys come back?”

 

“I'm already causing you enough stress. Look at your arms.” Eren said with a frown. I glanced down at my arms, at the red scratch marks.

 

“Just...go sit by the door. Inside.” I suggested. I had a spot of linoleum next to the door that was easily cleaned.

 

With a nod, Eren walked into the hallway. I shut the door and striped all my clothes off before I tossed them into the hamper and turned on the shower. My hands were shaking as I scrubbed myself under the hot water, watching the blood and grime swirl down the drain.

 

How? How did all of this happen? Eren was so special to me back then. I felt it in my very soul, in the memories that were etched into the back of my subconscious. I couldn't fight this anymore. Every piece of my heart told me to trust Eren, to keep him warm and safe.

 

I scrubbed and scrubbed until the water started to cool down. My arms were still burning under the water, no matter how cold it got.

 

I heard a quiet knock on the door and I had nearly forgotten that Eren was inside my apartment. I glanced back down at my arms and noticed the slow trickle of blood down into the tub. “Fuck.”

 

“Levi, are you alright? You've been in there over an hour.” Eren sounded concerned. He had a good reason to be. I certainly didn't look mentally stable in anyone's eyes, that was for sure.

 

“Eren...” I turned off the shower and grabbed a towel, my arms stinging as the terrycloth brushed over the raw skin. The door cracked open and he peaked inside.

 

“Levi, what happened?” He asked with a frown. He stayed in the hallway, though his hand reach out to touch me, before quickly drawing back. My towel was becoming becoming stained and I swallowed hard.

 

“Can you take my phone and call Hanji? She's on speed dial. It's on the counter in the kitchen.” I said as I leaned against the counter. Hanji could fix this. She could fix anything. My skin was still crawling. The bathroom was filthy, the hall needed mopped. the linoleum, the toilet, the door knobs. “P-Please.” I leaned over the bathroom sink, dropping my face against my arm. I squeezed my eyes shut, not able to look at the filthy bathroom around me.

 

I heard Eren's voice echoing through the barely furnished apartment and within minutes, Hanji's voice was shrieking at him as she walked him.

 

“Hanji!” I called out to her and opened my eyes, trying to control my breathing.

 

“Levi, what the fuck were you thinking?!” She said as she pulled me back from the sink to look at my arms. “You knew what would happen if you brought him in here!” Hanji all but hissed.

 

“I have to protect him, Hanji!” I snapped back.

 

“Why?! You barely know him, Levi. You could have killed yourself.” She said as she lowered her tone a little as she slipped on gloves and pulled out the first aid kit. She started wiping down my arms and I squeezed my eyes shut at the sting of the anti-septic.

 

“You just...” I shook my head and left my eyes closed, remembering how she looked back them. Maybe it was best she didn't remember. She almost died a number of times, but somehow she managed to stay alive through it all. “You don't understand.”

 

“I don't understand that you have triggers? I don't understand how to clean up your messes, both physical and emotional? I do understand Levi. I understand how your brain works, how you work.” She muttered as she started wrapping bandages around my arms. “I know that you don't need this added stress.”

  
“You're wrong.” I shook my head.

 

“If I'm so wrong, then why am I bandaging your arms? Why am I about to clean up blood and dirt from your entire house? Why did I leave work to come rescue you again?”

 

My hand pressed to my chest at her words. She was right. This was all my fault. Everything was my fault. She didn't deserve to have me wrecking her life. She deserved freedom from me, from all of my issues.

 

She secured the last bandage in place and I frowned. “Thank you.”

 

“Do you want to go to Erwin's while I clean?” She asked as she slipped the first aid kit back into it's rightful place.

 

“N-no. Just...go back to work. I can handle it.” I said bravely.

 

“Are you out of your mind?!” She asked with an arched brow.

 

“I...I need to learn to deal with this! You think I want to call you every time I have a meltdown?” I asked urgently. “No, I don't. I want you to live your life. Just...give me two days. If I cave and call you, then I'll listen to all the advice you have but...I have to escape this Hanji. I've been a slave to this for far too long.”

 

“Levi...I'll leave, just don't do anything stupid. Don't push yourself too hard at once, alright. You're my family. I can't lose you.”

 

“I won't. One step at a time.” I said with a small small. “Thank you, Hanji. I really do appreciate you, but...I have to do this.”

 

“You're welcome, short stuff.” She left me like that, in the filthy bathroom. The last thing I heard before she left was her telling Eren that if he hurt me in any way, he was dead. I believed her, too.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading <3

As I stood in the bathroom, a towel wrapped around my waist and my mind already spinning from sending Hanji away, Eren stood in the doorway, silent as he watched me compose myself.

 

“I... need to sit down for a minute and make a plan.”

 

“What can I do to help?” Eren asked quietly.

 

I took deep breath and stepped towards the door. “I just need a minute to gather my thoughts and get dressed. The water should be hot again if you want to take a shower. I'll put some clothes out for you. There's an extra toothbrush in the drawer.” I walked into the bedroom and Eren went in the bathroom. Within minutes, the shower was on and I was getting dressed. I found an over sized pair of sweatpants and an extra large t-shirt and put them on the end of the bed.

 

I found a notebook and started making a to-do list, doing my best not to overthink everything.

 

I didn't even notice Eren standing in the doorway at first, a towel draped around his waist. When I glanced up from my list, I saw him there, naturally tan skin stretched tight over his thin frame. I felt repulsed, sick to my stomach that he was so malnourished. His hair was still matted, but it didn't seem as dirty as before.

 

“I...umm...” My mind when blank as I stared at him. He may have been thinner than he was in my memories, but it was still Eren. “Those are for you. We can go and get other clothes later.” I pointed to the neatly folded stack on the bed. Eren proceeded to drop his towel and I averted my gaze.

 

“It's not like you don't remember. I can see it in your eyes, Levi.” Eren said smoothly. I kept my eyes on the notebook in front of me, trying to plan out my next move. My skin still felt like it was crawling, but having Eren clean was soothing me a little. “How are your arms?” He muttered as he stood in front of me, fully clothed now.

 

“Stinging a little, but I'll be fine. It's happened before.” I said with a shrug.

 

“What do you need me to do?” Eren asked as he knelt down in the floor and looked over at my list.

 

“You were just attacked. You don't have to do anything.” I said with a grimace.

 

“No, no. I want to help.” he persisted.

 

I didn't know how Eren's cleaning skills were, so I had no idea if the situation could be made worse. I sighed and looked down at my list.

 

“I'll clean the bathroom up.” he said with a smile. “Can you handle mopping with your arms the way they are?”

 

“Yeah, I'll be fine.” I said as I stood up and walked down the hallway. I showed Eren to the cleaning supplies and I started on my own task, quickly sweeping and mopping the floors in the whole house. I went to start a load of laundry and I walked to the bathroom to grab the hamper.

 

My eyes went wide as I stood in front of the spotless bathroom. Eren was wiping down the mirror, something I'd surely expected him to miss.

 

“I wasn't sure what you wanted me to do with my old clothes, so I tossed them in the hamper.”

 

“I'll put them through a couple of washes. They should be able to clean up I think.” I lifted the hamper and walked down the hallway to the washing machine. I dumped the whole hamper into the machine, not bothering to touch the filthy clothing.

 

“Is there anything else that needs done?” Eren asked, leaning against the wall as he watched me pour detergent into the machine.

 

I thought to my list, something that would have easily taken me 4 hours and I shook my head. I over-thought things. Something that should take me 5 minutes, usually took me thirty because my brain didn't function right.

 

“Maybe we can just sit and talk things through a little?” I suggested. I wanted to make tea, but the last thing I needed was another meltdown. Did Eren even understand the severity of my issues?

 

“That seems like a good idea.” Eren said with a smile. He looked a lot better already. His hair was tied up now, bangs still loose in the front, but the rest of the matted mess was up out of the way at least. We sat together on the couch and though I wanted to sit close, I figured that it wasn't the best idea for the moment.

 

“I have problems, Eren. Sometimes my obsessions are so bad that I get stuck in a loop and the only was I can stop is by having a panic attack. I'm too terrified to make tea right now, because I'm afraid to spill honey and get stuck.” I admitted. He nodded and gave me a small smile. “I've got major issues. Emotional baggage that's way too complicated to get into right now.” I shuddered thinking about it.

 

“I wouldn't expect you to trust me with that kind of stuff right now, Levi. We are practically strangers.”

 

I dropped my face into my hands. “It doesn't feel like it though.” Everything was so confusing. It was almost too much to deal with.

 

“I'll do everything I can to help you. It may take some time, but maybe someday I can be a person you rely on.” Eren said calmly.

 

I looked up to see vibrant greens staring into my own eyes. My heart started to flutter and I felt like an absolute idiot. I barely knew this man. Even though we were much more than friends in a past life, I knew nothing about the new Eren. The Eren that was sitting next to me.

 

“Thank you.” I managed a smile and Eren moved to stand.

 

“Do you want me to make tea? Or would that make things worse?” Eren offered.

 

I'd never even considered the fact that Eren could make it and I would be away from any inevitable messes. It was a good plan. “I think that would work.”

 

Eren went into the kitchen and after some ratting of the tea kettle and a few questions, he returned minutes later with two steaming mugs.

 

“Careful, it's hot.” He said as he sat the steaming cup on the coffee table.

 

“Thanks.” I was starting to get nervous, foot tapping against the floor. Anxiety was flooding me again and I had no idea why. The house was pretty much spotless, so what did I have to worry over?

 

“Levi?” Eren seemed concerned. He had a right to be. How many times had I lost it today?

 

“Sorry...I have anxiety pretty bad. Along with all the other shit. Lucky me.” I sighed.

 

“Do you need to talk through it?” Eren offered. Hanji had done that with me more times than I could count. How did he know?

 

“Okay.” I sat back and Eren sipped his tea.

“What spiked it?” he asked.

 

I closed my eyes and thought for a moment. “Usually it's triggered by messes or being in public.”

 

“What about messes makes things worse for you?” he asked softly.

 

“That I...lose control I guess. It goes back to my past. I know that much. I go to a therapist and we've gotten that far.” I admitted.

 

“So what do you feel is out of your control right now?” Eren asked.

 

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to stop the hammering in my chest. “Just the situation in general, I guess. I've never lived with anyone. I don't want to fuck anything up. I guess...” I trailed off and opened my eyes, tears stinging them. “I don't want you to see the broken side of me, even though you've already gotten a glimpse.” I sighed.

 

“No one's perfect, Levi. I would never expect you to be. I can guarantee that I'm not perfect.” Eren's eyes dropped to the floor and he frowned. “But we have to do the best with what we are given. I'll try to help you through this.”

 

“Thank you...” I reach my hand out to his timidly. I felt stupid. I was torn between wanting to control everything and throwing it all away in an instant for him. “I know it was in the past, but I want to try. When you are close it's like everything isn't as bad.” I mumbled. “If you are okay with it.”

 

Eren smiled at me and took my hand in his. “I'm absolutely fine with it, but I need to tell you something first.”

 

My stomach sank and I pulled my hand back from his. Was there someone in his life already? Had he already fallen in love? Maybe his heart had been broken. I had never even bothered to ask.

 

“Fuck...” I muttered it to myself and Eren inched closer.

 

“Levi, stop letting your imagination run wild.” Eren said as he gave my thigh a pat.

 

“I don't want to interfere with your life. If you already have someone...” I shook my head in defeat. I had no idea about Eren's life. I was clueless.

 

“Levi!” Eren snapped at me and put his hand on my shoulder. “Stop and listen. Okay?”

 

I nodded and swallowed hard.

 

“I don't have any kind of romantic partner in my life, but...” Eren trailed off and sighed. “I don't really remember where home is...”

 

My eyes went wide and my mouth dropped open a little. “What do you mean?”

 

“I remember my friends and my family, but I can't find them. I woke up in the hospital one day with no wallet and no phone. I had no memory of how I got there or how to return. I don't know what happened.”

 

“Have you tried looking for them? For anyone?” I asked with a frown.

 

“I couldn't. I had no money and no ID. I couldn't even use the computers at the library to search for anything without an ID.” Eren said with a frown. “It's like there are huge chunks of memory missing. I can't remember cities, phone numbers, addresses. All of it is a blur.”

 

“Is that how you ended up on the street?” I asked urgently.

 

“Yeah. I couldn't get a job without an ID and I couldn't get an ID without an address. It was a mess.” I reached over and gave his hand a squeeze, trying to get past my pounding heart. I stood up and ran into my office to grab my laptop.

 

“I'll do anything I can to help you Eren. I swear.” I said as I powered on my laptop. Then realization hit me. I'd have to go into public in a car. Who knew how far away his city was? I would do my best at least. Eren was trying hard for me, the least I could do was try hard for him.

 

I typed his name into an internet search and a missing report immediately came up.

 

“You're a missing person? I had no clue...” I shook my head as I looked over the article. Eren's eyes went wide as he looked at the screen.

 

“A car wreck? Why don't I remember?” He gripped at his hair as we read over the article. “Wait...” his mouth dropped open as I scrolled back to the top of the second article.

 

“One dead, one injured and one missing in a auto accident in Shinganshina county. My parents...” A tear dripped down his cheek as he looked at the picture. “Mom...mom is dead?”

 

He dropped his head and started to sob. I didn't know what to do. I tried to think back to the times Hanji had comforted me, to all the times I had cried in her arms. I carefully pulled Eren into a hug and he sobbed against my shoulder.

 

“How?! How...” He screamed it against me and I stayed quiet. “Heichou...why did this happen. I'm living this nightmare all over again. My mom...” he shook his head and I tried to comfort him by rubbing his back a little. I'd only ever been this close to Hanji before. It was a little odd for me, but Eren needed this. Everything had to be ten times more devastating for him when he couldn't even remember.

 

I could remember what happened to his mother back in those days. In the days of war, violence and titans. The days we were trapped behind the walls.

 

“I'm so sorry, Eren. I really am.” I whispered. I hugged him closer, not paying any attention to his tears dripping onto my shirt. If it was Eren, it didn't matter. He was the only person that could be this close. He was the only person that I could act on instinct around. I could remember it from back then and I knew it deep down in my core. Eren didn't judge me back then and I knew he wouldn't now. “I promise we will get this figured out. I know I can't bring her back, but I'll get you home. No matter what it takes.”

 

 

  
  


 

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading <3 Comments are always appreciated

 

This was the last place I wanted to be. I tapped my foot nervously as I waited for the familiar door to open. Eren was sitting next to me in the waiting room, a soft smile on his face. He had been quiet for most of the evening yesterday and the night was uneventful. He slept on the couch, not making a peep the whole night.

 

I had insisted on going to Shiganshina early today, but Eren refused when he spotted my therapy schedule on the fridge. Maybe he was right. I had a lot change in the last couple of days, so maybe it wasn't a good idea to cancel.

 

“Are you alright?” He asked quietly. The white noise machine in the waiting room was soothing, and he talked softly over it.

 

“Yeah, just a lot on my mind.” I said with a shrug.

 

The door opened and my therapist peaked her head out. “Levi, you can come on back.” She said with a smile. Eren waved to me and I followed her back, leaving him to wait.

 

We walked into her office and she shut the door behind her. I sat down on the leather couch with a sigh.

 

“So how did this week go? Did you make progress?” She asked with a smile. I simply held my arms out and rolled up my sleeves, showing her my bandaged arms.

 

“I say I didn't make much, honestly. I had a breakdown.”

 

“What triggered it?” She asked with a frown.

 

“A lot of sudden changes I guess.” I shrugged and rolled my sleeves back down.

 

“And?” She cocked an eyebrow at me and I looked away.

 

“Lack of control. I know, it's a vicious cycle.” I muttered.

 

“It seems like you've made some progress, Levi. Who was that man waiting with you? Is he a new friend?”

 

“It's complicated.” I looked out the window, at the bright blue sky filled with fluffy white clouds. Eren had mentioned how beautiful it was today. Sure it was chilly, but it was a nice sunny day.

 

“Want to talk about it?” She asked.

 

I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. “Do you remember the homeless man I told you about? Well...” I trailed off.

 

“Is that him? You are that close now?” She said with a surprised tone.

 

“He stayed the night last night. Some kids attacked him and I couldn't let that slide.”

 

“Wait...he stayed in your home?” Her mouth dropped open a little.

 

“Yeah. He cleaned up well enough, so...” I shrugged and felt my chest tighten. I gripped at my sweater a little.

 

“This is a huge step for you, Levi! How are you dealing with it?” She pressed.

 

“Well, I had the panic attack yesterday because everything was so dirty. I freaked out more than a little. But he helped me through it. Hanji helped too.”

 

“That's amazing! I'm proud of you! You pushed yourself out of your comfort zone.” She said with a small clap. I swallowed hard and looked away. She didn't give out praise very often, so this mattered to me.

 

“Eren is different.” I said as I looked up at her.

 

“How so?” She scribbled in her notebook and I crossed my arms.

 

“I don't freak out if I touch him. He's similar to the way I am with Hanji, even though we haven't known each other for long.”

 

“Some people just become friends faster, Levi. Everyone is different.”

 

“Can I ask a question?” I wasn't going to ask originally, but maybe she could help.

 

“Of course! I'm all ears.”

 

“How do you fix amnesia?” I felt stupid for asking, but maybe she had some answers that were different from my internet search.

 

“Are you experiencing it? If so-”

 

“No, no. It's not me.” I said as I held my hands up in protest.

 

“Well if it's past memories the person is having trouble with, scents, familiar music and being around friends and family can help. Aside from that, it just takes time usually.” As she finished her sentence, the timer started going off. “I guess we are finished up for today. Same time next week?”

 

I nodded and followed her back to the waiting room. Eren had dozed off in his chair and I walked up to him. “Oi! Wake up.”

 

He nearly fell out of his chair as his eyes snapped open.

 

“Sorry!” He tripped as he stood up and I chuckled.

 

“Don't worry about it. Ready to go?” Eren nodded and followed me outside.”So do you still want to go to Shiganshina today? Erwin said he was free today.”

 

“If you are still up for it. I hope I can find...someone. Any of my friends or my Dad maybe...” Eren frowned and his eyes dropped to the sidewalk. I sent Erwin a quick text as we walked to Scout's. I glanced over at Eren. I could see the tears welling up in his eyes and I swallowed hard before reaching my hand out for his.

 

He rubbed the tears away with his other hand and smiled at me. “Sorry. This is all so sudden. It's hard to come to terms with. It doesn't seem read that she's gone.” He choked up again and tried to swallow hard to get his tears to stop.

 

“You don't have to apologize. I'd be a wreck if I were in your shoes.” I said simply. He gave my hand a squeeze and took a deep breath before we continued our walk.

 

“Thanks for all of this by the way, Levi. Really. I know you have a lot of stress to deal with and the last thing you need is me adding to it.” He said lowly.

 

I stopped right there and looked at him, our breath fogging around us. I'd never attempted to walk in this world as a pair, I'd never even attempted to be closer than a friend to anyone but my memories of Eren were soothing. It gave me hope that someday I could be a stronger person, that I could be closer to him.

 

“Eren, in this past month you've helped me more than you can imagine. Just by becoming friends with you...” I trailed off and shut my eyes, trying to push away the thoughts eating at me. After a few steady breaths I opened my eyes. “I wasn't even comfortable going to the grocery store before. The only person I ever let tough me was Hanji.” I gave his hand a squeeze and I smiled a little. “Everything seems easier with you here, so don't ever feel like a burden. I've never been in a relationship and it may take years to progress, but...I like you Eren.”

 

He smiled at me and a tear rolled down his cheek. Before I knew it, his hand was on my lower back and he was pulling me closer. Panic set in, but only for a moment. I took a deep breath and leaned my forehead against his shoulder. It felt weird to be hugged like this, but I also felt safe. I was giving in. It felt nice to give control up, if only for a few moments. Eren was warm, even on this chilly day.

 

“Levi, I'll do anything in my power to help you and make you happy. I swear I will. I promise I'll never push you too hard, okay?” Eren whispered to me. “I know this is a huge step for you, but I'm so thankful you are giving me a chance. I've had so many dreams about this...” Eren choked out another sob and tilted his head down a bit to rest on top of mine.

 

A car honking made us jump apart and nearly gave me a heart attack. “Levi! I thought that was you!” Erwin said with a smile. He looked a bit surprised but his car was a welcomed sight. I was freezing, even with Eren's prolonged hug. I jumped in the backseat and Eren got in next to me.

 

“Good morning, Erwin. Thanks for this.” I said as I buckled my seat belt.

 

“No problem. I know how you feel about public transport.” Erwin said with a chuckle. I shivered even thinking about the bus, about the things that have happened in those seats.

 

“Oh, this is Eren. Eren, this is Erwin.” Erwin threw up his hand in a wave as he kept his eyes on the road.

 

“Nice to finally meet you. Levi has talked about you a lot.” Erwin said as he turned onto the interstate. I felt my face flush and I swallowed hard as I felt the vehicle pick up speed. Traffic made me nervous. I preferred to walk wherever I needed to go, but that wasn't an option if we were going to Shiganshina. It was a thirty-minute drive. I felt my chest tighten, even though the morning traffic had already slowed down. I felt a warm hand close around my own and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I tried to focus on the feeling of Eren's hand, the way his thumb rubbed little circles on my palm.

 

Eren was carrying on a conversation with Erwin, but all I could hear was the echo of their voices. Erwin was used to this by now. He was used to my coping skills in the car, to hearing me count the stitches in the upholstery or count the speed limit signs.

 

Before I knew it, we were in Shiganshina and Eren gave me a sad smile. This was probably going to be a hard day for him, but I was prepared to help in any way I could.

 

“So where do you want me to park?” Erwin asked casually. Eren was looking out the window, a mild look of confusion on his face.

 

“I...I don't know.” He said sadly.

 

“Levi filled me in on the situation a little, Eren. Can you remember anything you used to do with friends or family. Any hobbies?”

 

He closed his eyes and tried to think, giving my hand a squeeze. “I think I used to sketch with Jean. Maybe in the park?” He opened his eyes and dropped his face into his hands. “I don't remember where the park is though. There was a river than ran through the middle.”

 

Erwin pulled over at a gas station and started typing things into his phone. “It says there are three parks in the area. One with a water feature. We will try that one first. Sound good?”

 

“Yes. Thank you.” Eren said with a small frown. “Nothing makes sense. All of my memories are jumbled up.”

 

“Don't sweat it. We will get this figured out.” I said with a small smile.

 

We pulled into the park and got out to look around. There was a fountain in the middle, but it was more of a dog park and playground rather than the place Eren had mentioned. It didn't trigger any memories so we tried park number two. It was much bigger and as we pulled in, Erwin got an important phone call. He stayed in the car to talk while we explored a little. As we walked down the sidewalk, further into the park Eren froze.

 

“Eren?”I asked curiously and he started to run towards the water's edge in the distance. I followed him, though my running skills were nowhere near his.

 

“This is it! I remember!” He looked around frantically and dropped to his knees in the grass. “But why would I expect him to be here? Of course he's not...”

 

“Eren, we just have to keep trying. It's amazing that you found a place you can remember at least.” I tried to encourage him. I heard gravel crunching under shoes and turned to look behind us, expecting to see Erwin. It was a younger man, about Eren's age with a tired expression on his face. He had a messenger bag slung over his shoulder and his two-toned hair was disheveled.

 

“Sorry to eavesdrop...but...” He muttered, an eyebrow raising curiously.

 

Eren turned and tears started to roll down his cheeks as he spotted the man. “Jean?”

 

My mouth dropped open as I looked at them stare at each other for a few seconds before the man ran towards Eren and tackled him with a hug. They were both crying and I took a step back.

 

“I thought you were dead! My god...” Jean shook his head and gripped Eren tight. “Where have you been?!”

 

Eren wiped at his eyes and frowned. I was in Trost. I couldn't remember anything. I didn't know how to get home. The hospital discharged me without my ID so I was stuck.

 

My heart sank for a moment, seeing how these two interacted. They were close. That much was obvious. Had they ever been more than just friends?

 

“Jean, this is Levi.” Eren stood up and brushed the grass off his pants. He reach for my hand but I took a step back, my heart beginning to pound. What was on the grass? On that man? I had no clue. “Sorry...” Eren frowned, before he looked back to Jean. “He helped me get back. He saved me.”

 

Jean's eyes went wide as he looked at me, like he'd just seen a ghost. “There's no way this can be possible...Levi Heichou?”

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next update may take a while. This one is kind of like a two in one :P Thanks for the support!

 

As soon as Jean called me Heichou, it triggered a memory I had of us together. I broke up a fight between Eren and Jean, dragging a protesting Eren into the hallway for a lecture.

 

“Wait, do he remember?” Jean asked as he looked to Eren for answers.

 

“Bits and pieces. It's still early on for him I think.” Eren said as he scratched his head.

 

A cold breeze blew and Eren shivered, pulling his hoodie closer. His clothes were still in the washing machine, the scarf I got him among the laundry. I lent him a hoodie, but it wasn't the warmest.

 

“Maybe we can go talk about this somewhere else and get this figured out.” Jean suggested.

 

“I think that's a good idea.” I agreed.

 

“Just come to my house. At least it's warm.” Jean said with a shrug.

Eren frowned and looked to me.

 

“I'm fine with that.” I answered with a small smile. I could endure a little bit of discomfort for Eren's sake.

 

“Wait, do you remember the way?” Jean asked Eren curiously.

 

“No. I don't even remember the way to my house.” Eren said as his eyes dropped to the ground.

 

“You haven't been home?! Your Dad has been looking for you since that day, Eren.” Jean's eyes went wide and Eren shook his head.

 

“I think...maybe it's best to take this one step at a time.” Eren's hands were shaking and he was doing his best to blink away tears.

 

“Yeah, that's understandable. My car is in the parking lot. Do you want a ride?” I felt my chest tighten a little. Over the years I had only learned to trust Erwin's driving. He had a clean driving record, aside from a few parking tickets and he was pretty careful about how he drove.

 

“Can we just follow behind you? Levi's friend drove us. Can he come, too?” Eren asked.

 

“Sure. That's not a problem. Let me call Marco and let him know.” Jean said with a smile. He talked on the phone as the three of us walked to the car park. Eren looped his arm around my lower back as we walked and I felt a little comfort in his touch. I was trying my best to be strong for him, but this was hard for me. I felt like I was losing control of the situation, but if it meant Eren could have some answers then I had to do it.

 

“Marco, you don't have to bake cookies.” Jean said as he rolled his eyes. “Sure, sure. It'll be three extra.”

 

“Thanks for sticking with me, Levi.” Eren said quietly. “I know this is all out of your comfort zone.”

 

“If it's for you, I don't mind. I can't guarantee I won't have issues later on, but I'm fine for now.”

 

Eren's smile lit up in front of me and I couldn't understand how he could smile like that during such a stressful and emotional time.

 

We eventually made it back to the car park and Erwin had no trouble following behind Jean as he drove. It was a rather short drive, just a few minutes away and Eren was silent for most of the ride as he watched the scenery around us.

 

“I think I remember this place.” He muttered as we pulled into the driveway behind Jean's little red car. The house looked like the other houses in the neighborhood, aside from the bright pink exterior. “But something is different...” Eren frowned and got out of the car, looking around at his surroundings.

 

“We painted the house last month.” Jean said as he shut the car door. “It used to be yellow.”

 

“Oh, so that's why it's strange.” Eren said with a small smile. I grabbed my messenger bag from the back seat and slung it over my shoulder before Erwin locked the car and we followed Jean inside.

 

“EREN!” An excited voice shouted his name and I jumped out of shock as Eren's friend ran to him and hugged him. “I'm so glad you're okay. We looked everywhere.” The man's voice was shaky, tears dripping down his cheeks onto his navy sweater. I guessed they had been friends for a while. This man seemed to be Jean's roomate, but I couldn't be certain. “I'm sorry. Please, come in.” He wiped his eyes dry and followed behind Eren. The house seemed clean enough. There was a little dust on some photos on the all, but at least the floor seemed

clean. I kicked off my shoes and Erwin did the same.

 

“How are you holding up, Levi?” Erwin whispered to me.

 

“It's a little stressful, but I'm fine. This place seems clean.” I said with a shrug.

 

“Just don't push yourself too hard, okay?” Erwin gave my shoulder a pat and I nodded.

 

“Meow!!!” A cat ran into the large living room and started rubbing against Eren's leg. I stopped and looked at the cat with a frown. It's not that I didn't like animals, but their fur got everywhere. Plus the fact that cats could get litter trapped in their paws. My fist tightened as I tried to think of a solution. I didn't want to offend Eren's friends, but a panic attack seemed like a worse option in this situation.

 

“Levi?” Eren looked at me curiously and my eyes darted to the cat. “Oh, you don't like cats?” He turned

and walked towards me, before he took my hand gently.

 

“It's just the hair and the litter.” I felt my cheeks getting warm from embarrassment and Eren shook his head.

 

“Don't worry about it. I'll go see if they have a clean blanket or something to lay on the couch. Would that work?” He asked as he have my hand a pat.

 

“Yeah. I'm sorry to be a pain in the ass. I don't want your friends to hate me.”

 

“They aren't going to hate you, Levi. Trust me.” Eren smiled at me before he followed Marco into the

kitchen. I stood there next to Erwin nervously. I wasn't good in social situations, let alone in someone else's home.

 

“Sorry I didn't introduce myself.” Jean said as he walked up to Erwin. “I'm Jean Kirstein. I've been best friends with Eren since we were little.” He reach out his hand and Erwin shook it.

 

“I'm Erwin Smith. I'm friends with Levi. I only recently met Eren but he seems like a great guy.” Erwin smiled and Jean motioned to the set of couches.

 

“Please, make yourselves comfortable. Marco is making tea I think.” Jean said with a smile.

 

I stayed frozen in place, not sure what to do. My hands were starting to shake and my eyes dropped to the floor. This was ridiculous. How could Eren even begin to like someone as fucked up as me.

 

“Levi! Here you go!” Eren walked into the room with a green blanket and carefully laid it across the middle of the couch, making sure to tuck it so I wouldn't get and hair on me.

 

“Sorry for imposing.” I said with a frown.

 

“About the cat hair?” Marco asked with a smile as he carried a tray of cookies to the coffee table.

 

“Armin is the same way, but it's because of allergies. That kid is allergic to everything.”

 

I sat down next to Eren and rummaged through my bag for hand sanitizer.

 

Marco walked off again and came back with a tray of steaming mugs. I frowned and looked over to Eren.

 

“I double washed your mug. It's the blue one.” Eren said with a smile as he took it off the tray and handed it to me. And I washed my hands before I made the tea. Don't worry.”

 

My mouth fell open a little as I looked at the man sitting next to me. Erwin and Hanji had learned to do those things over the years but Eren had picked up on it immediately. “Thanks. I appreciate it.” I sipped the tea and sat back a little.

 

“So you were homeless, Eren?” Marco asked with a frown as he joined Jean on the other sofa.

 

“For a while. I couldn't remember where I lived or how to get back. I could remember you guys and my parents, but I had no way of looking up anything on a computer. Everyone treated me like a bum since I didn't have clean clothes or an ID.”

 

I instinctively reach out for Eren's hand and he took it without hesitation.

 

“Well, except for Levi. He made sure I had food and looked out for me.” Eren said with a smile.

 

“Thanks for taking care of Eren. He's precious to us.” Marco said as tears welled up in his eyes again. “I'm sorry I'm so emotional. We thought you were dead, Eren. We thought...” Marco started to cry and Jean wrapped his arm around Marco's waist.

 

“Baby, it's alright now. Eren's back and he's safe.”Jean tried to comfort Marco.

 

I had no idea they were a couple, not that it mattered to me.

 

“You guys don't have to worry about me anymore. I can figure everything out now.” Eren said with a smile.

 

“So are you going to see your Dad?” Marco asked as he wiped his eyes.

 

“I...I don't know. I read the article about the car crash.” Eren swallowed hard and I gave his hand a squeeze.

 

“He'd be thrilled to know you are okay, Eren.” Jean insisted.

 

Eren looked over to me, before looking away. Was he doing this to limit my exposure to potential triggers? If so, it wasn't right for me to hold him back.

 

“Eren, I think you should go see him if that's what you want.” I said before I sipped my tea.

 

Eren let go of my hand and dropped his face in his hands with a groan. “It's just a lot to deal with in a day. Going home to a house without...” His shoulders started to shake and I frowned. “Without Mom.” I hesitated for a moment to hug him. He was covered in cat hair, grass and dirt but something inside me told pushed me forward. Eren needed me. He needed me to be his strength.

 

I pulled him into a hug and he started to cry against my shoulder. It was just like yesterday, his whole body shaking as sobs ripped through him. I tried to comfort him, tried to rub his shoulder but I wasn't sure if I was even helping him at all.

 

“Eren...” Jean walked over to us and put a hand on Eren's shoulder. “She would have wanted you to go see your Dad. You guys were so close.”

 

“I...I can't!” Eren gripped my arm and I tried to hug him just a little tighter. “Please. Just not today. It's all too much. I can't even remember how to get home. How am I supposed to face Dad when I can't even remember the last moments we spent together with Mom. I don't remember anything that happened that day or the day before. It's all gone.” Eren sobbed.

 

Jean frowned and looked over to Marco. “Maybe it is a bit too much for one day, Jean.”

 

“I'm sorry.” Eren shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut.

 

“Stop apologizing. You can't help what you feel, Eren. Grief is a hell of an emotion to deal with, not to mention everything else you are going through.”

 

“Do you guys want to stay the night and maybe try tomorrow?” Marco suggested. “You are always welcome here.”

 

Eren shook his head no and sobbed harder. I looked over to Erwin and he frowned.

 

“I have to work tomorrow, Levi. I wouldn't be able to give you a ride.” Erwin said sadly.

 

“Is Hanji off?” I asked curiously. Erwin cocked his eyebrow and nodded.

 

“You're willing to ride with her?”

 

“I'll do it for Eren's sake.” I said firmly.”Are you okay with that, Eren?”

 

He nodded against my chest and I took a deep breath. I wasn't sure what to say to comfort this broken man in my arms. I could barely find the strength within myself to function on a normal day, let alone be the strength for someone else but I had to try.

 

Marco handed me a box of tissues and I pulled one out and gave it to Eren. He dried his eyes and tried to take a few calming breaths.

 

“Thank you all. Really.” I felt so lost over the past few months but you guys are helping so much.”

 

“You are basically our family, Eren.” Jean said with a smile. “We'd go through hell just to see you smile.”

 

Eren had a good set of friends, that was certain. I was glad to help in any way I could, but I was also thankful he had someone else in his life to count on and support him.

 

We finished up our tea and they talked for quite a while about everything that happened while he was gone. Eren didn't really dive too deep about his experiences in Trost, not that I blame him for that. Eren started to doze off after a few hours and I smiled as started to snore softly. He must be exhausted from dealing with all the

pain and uncertainty.

 

“Eren.” I shook him gently and he opened his eyes to look at me. They were red from all the crying he did, dark circles starting to work their way under his eyes. “Ready to go home?”

 

“I think that's a good idea.” Eren agreed.

 

“We will see you guys tomorrow then.” Jean said with a smile. I put his number in my phone just in case

and after Eren exchanged a few hugs with his friends, we walked out to the car.

 

“Erwin, would you mind stopping by the store on the way home?”

 

“The grocery store, or the super center?” Erwin asked as he backed up.

 

“The super center please. I hate that place but we need a few things, unfortunately.” I said with a grimace. People in there were unbelievably dirty, but Eren needed some clothes.

 

We pulled into the massive store and luckily it didn't seem too busy.

 

I refused to touch the shopping cart, so Erwin pushed it.

 

“Eren, get anything you need. Shirts, underwear, socks.”

 

“Are you sure, Levi? I don't want to-”

 

“Eren, I'm fine with money and I want to make sure you've got everything you need. Please. All I ask is that you hurry. I hate this place. I'll meet you in the clothing section in a few.” I said as I walked towards the personal hygiene aisle, snagging a reusable shopping bag on my way there. I picked up a few bottles of de-tangler and a set of combs. I had to do something about Eren's hair. It had been driving me crazy. Sure it was clean, but it was a mess.

 

I added a random assortment of toiletries in the bag and started my brisk walk to meet up with Erwin and Eren. I loathed this place. Usually anything I needed, I could order online. My heart started to race as I caught looks from people staring at me, which made my anxiety worse. I started thinking about the people that had touched the items before me and swallowed hard. I almost made it to the clothing section before I broke down and dug through my bag for my hand sanitzer. My skin was starting to crawl, hands shaking. I dropped my bottle on the floor and my chest tightened.

 

“Not here. Please, not here.”

 

“Levi.” Eren was next to me in a few seconds. He must have spotted me from afar. His hand was on my lower back, trying to support me without touching too much.

 

“D-Dropped-” I motioned to the bottle and he picked it up. I didn't even want to touch the outside. It had already touched the floor. He could see it in my eyes, so he popped open the lid and poured it on my hands. I rubbed my palms together like a mad man. “Sorry...” I said with a frown. Eren poured some germ-x on his own hands, before shoving the bottle in his pocket.

 

“It's fine. I'm almost finished. Sorry to put you through this.” Eren said with a frown.

 

“I've just dealt with a lot more than I do in a normal day. It's wearing me out I think.” I said with a grimace.

 

“Levi. Take my keys and go to the car. We will just meet you out there.” Erwin said as he reach me the keys. I traded my bag to him and dug my wallet out of my pocket, before handing him my card. I was off without another word, embarrassment seeping into my very core. Why was I like this? I couldn't even go to a store without falling apart.

 

“Freak.” I heard it from behind me as I walked to Erwin's car. I looked around and spotted a pair of guys walking in my direction. “Oh, you heard that? Good.” They started laughing at me as I backed up. “Are you one of those germaphobes? Get this, the world is FULL of them. Get over it.”

 

My eyes went wide as they shoved me against Erwin's car. Then the taller man did the unthinkable, he spit in my face. I felt my throat close up. “STOP IT!” I screamed it and fell to my knees, dropping the keys in the process. I couldn't breathe, couldn't think. Luckily the men ran off, but I was already in full blown panic mode. Tears were running down my cheeks and every breathe I tried to take was like sucking through a straw. Everything was blurry, head spinning.

 

“LEVI!!!” Before I could say anything, Eren was on his knees next to me. “What happened?! Are you okay?” I couldn't speak. I didn't want to be touch or touch him either. I just wanted to die. I wanted to burn, to get these germs off my skin. I was dirty, filthy. Just like I had always been. Trash, garbage.

 

“T-trash.” I gasped. “I-I...” I shook my heard and tried to gather my thoughts but nothing was working. I was making a scene in the parking lot. I was sure everyone was staring at me. I was embarrassing Eren and Erwin too. I was worthless. “I'm trash.”

 

I felt warm arms wrap around me and though my skin was crawling and I couldn't breathe, I didn't react in the way I thought I would. I didn't cringe or try to pack away. “You aren't trash, Levi.” Eren whispered to me.”What happened? Please talk to me so we can figure this out.” Eren's voice was calm, not sounding the least bit bothered by my panic attack.

 

“Spit. A man spit in my face.” I sobbed. His eyes went wide and looked over to Erwin.

 

“Seriously?! Where is he? I'll fuck him up-” Eren growled. I shook my head and my fingers tightened in

his shirt.

 

“Home. I just want to go home.” I cried. Eren nodded and he helped me into the car. Erwin handed a box of tissues to Eren and he started to wipe my face clean with germ-x.

 

“Go ahead and help Levi, inside.” Erwin said calmly. I'll carry this stuff up.

 

“Alright.” Eren led me inside, my face red and swollen from crying the whole way home. I felt like such a burden.

 

I walked silently down the hallway and darted into the bathroom. I had to get these clothes off. I starting stripping, not giving a shit who saw. I turned the water on as hot as it would go and Eren leaned against the frame of the door.

 

“Do you want these clothes in the wash?” he asked calmy. I shook my head and threw the last of my clothes in the floor.

 

“Just trash them.” I said glumly. It wasn't the first time I'd thrown away a whole outfit, and it probably wouldn't be the last. I got in the shower and started scrubbing my face, washing it and rinsing it over and over. Everything else faded away for a few moments as the hop water and soap worked it's magic. I scrubbed my body, before going back to my face. Wash, rinse, repeat.

 

“Levi...don't overdo it like last time, okay?” Eren said timidly. “I don't want you to hurt yourself.”

 

I paused for a second and thought about what he was saying. How long had I been in here already? My face did hurt a little, but was it clean? “I...I just want to be clean.” I said sadly. The shower curtain opened a little and Eren peaked in at my face.

 

“You scrubbed it, right? Looks spotless to me.” Eren said with a smile. His words calmed me a little and I nodded before shutting off the water. “I tossed the clothes and took the trash out, so you don't have to worry about it.”

 

“Thanks.” I said as I wrapped myself in a clean towel and stepped out. Eren was quickly becoming an asset to me. He knew just what to do to avoid making the situation worse. I felt a little ashamed for not giving a shit while getting in the shower, but Eren already knew from long ago what my body looked like. Not much had changed aside from a little less muscle tone.

 

Eren walked away and I dried myself off, before walking to the bedroom to get dressed. I felt like shit. The whole day had fallen apart and I wondered how I looked in Eren's eyes. Like a failure? It was a strong possibility. I could hear Erwin's voice coming from the living room and then I heard the shower start up. I slipped on some comfy sweatpants and a long sleeve to cover the healing scratches on my arm.

 

Erwin was sitting on the couch, having a cup of tea.

 

“Sorry about all of this.” I said with a frown.

 

“Levi, how long have I known you? You don't have to apologize for this kinda stuff. You've made some huge progress. I'm proud of you.” Erwin said with a smile. “Eren is proud too. He's so thankful that you are so supportive of him.” My eyes fell to the floor and I just silently nodded. I walked back down the hall and stuck my head in the bathroom.

 

“Eren, make sure you get your hair really clean. I'm going to try and comb it out for you.” I said through the cracked door.

 

“Okay!” Eren called from the shower and I smiled a little at his cheerful tone.

 

I sat down on the sofa next to Erwin and closed my eyes. My world had been flipped upside down over the last few days. Anxiety was starting to set in again, but I did my best to push it away.

 

“Want to come stay at my place for a while?” Erwin offered.

 

“Yes, but no. I need to work through this shit, right?” I said with a sigh.

 

“Yes, but you also don't want to take on too much at once.” Erwin warned. “Just be careful, Levi. Don't overdo it.”

 

“I will. I'll be fine.” I said as I opened my eyes. I heard the shower turn off and I leaned my head back.

 

“You really like him, don't you?” Erwin said with a smirk.

 

“That much should be obvious.” I smiled a little. Even though we'd only known each other for a short time, I could already tell that Eren was quickly becoming precious to me. I shouldn't open my heart so easily, but it's as if my body was acting on it's own around him.

 

“Well, I'm gonna head out then. If you need anything just give me a ring.” Erwin said with a wave. As he stood up, Eren walked down the hallway dressed in some sweatpants and a t-shirt. His hair was still wet and tangled, but he was clean. “I'll see you later, Eren!” Erwin smiled at him and headed out.

 

“How are you?” Eren asked gently as he sat next to me.

 

“I'm feeling better now. It's just been a really hectic day. Especially at the grocery store...” I shivered at the thought and tried to push the memory out of my mind.

 

Eren reached out and took my hand in his. He smiled at me and I felt my anxiety calm down a little. I looked him over a little. The cut on his forehead was healing now and he was freshly shaved. Other than looking

exhausted, he seemed fine.

 

“What about you?” I asked quietly. I wasn't used to being invested in other people's emotions, but Eren was different.

 

“Truthfully?” He asked with a frown. “I'm tired. I haven't cried this much in a long time. I feel kind of disappointed in myself.” Eren's gaze fell to the floor and I shook my head.

 

“Why would you be disappointed in yourself? None of this was your fault.” I was beyond confused, but maybe Eren had his reasons.

 

“I've always been the strong one. The person that everyone leans on, but I barely feel like my old self right now.” Eren said as he swallowed hard. I saw his Adam's apple bob as he tried to choke back his tears.

 

“Grief is different for everyone, Eren.” I leaned forward a bit and wrapped my arms around him in a timid hug. This was still so new to me, but I could tell he needed it. “My world was ripped apart when my mother passed.” I whispered. I didn't want to remember that right now. I couldn't. I had to be the strong one right now.

 

“You lost your mother too?” A tear streaked down his cheek as he leaned back to look into my eyes. My chest tightened and I gripped my shirt.

 

“Yeah, when I was sixteen. But...” I shook my head and tried to take a calming breath. “Let's skip that right now.”

 

“Okay. Sorry.” Eren frowned and I hugged him a little tighter.

 

“It was just a shitty time in my life. I'll tell you about it someday when I'm a little stronger, Bright Eyes.” My mouth snapped shut after I muttered the pet name and I jumped back. Where had that come from? I'd never called him that in this world. “S-Sorry! I didn't mean to-”

 

Eren chuckled and a smile spread across his face. It lit up the whole room. He wiped his eyes and pulled me close again, leaning his forehead against my own carefully. “You used to call me that all the time. I don't mind at all.”

 

My heart was hammering in my chest and my face had turned pink from embarrassment. “I guess it's an old habit I picked up from my dreams.”

 

“It's not a bad habit. It makes me happy.” Eren said as he leaned his chin on my shoulder. “Is this too much? Don't let me make you uncomfortable, okay?”

 

If it had been anyone else, I'd be in tears. This was Eren, though. We'd shared much more than each other's arms in our past. He knew me intimately back then, every muscle and every scar.

 

“I'm fine.” I whispered. My heart was still hammering in my chest, uncertainty starting to cloud my judgment. How far did I want to go with Eren in this life? Could I even tolerate a kiss, let alone something more than that. The constricting feeling in my chest told me I wasn't quite ready and I prayed that Eren understood that. “But maybe we can take anything else a little slower?”

 

“Of course.” He said as he sat up and gave me a little space. “I know this is all new for you, Levi. It's new for me too.” I nodded and timidly reach my fingers out to touch his bangs.

 

“If you sit on the floor, I'll try to fix your hair. No promises though.” I offered.

 

“I know its a mess. I'm not going to be hurt if it just needs cut.” Eren said with a shrug. Normally I wouldn't have anyone sit on the floor but he was considerably taller than me, almost comically so. I slid on some gloves and grabbed the de-tangler spray along with the comb.

 

“If I can't fix it, I'll buy you a haircut soon.” I said as I sat back down on the couch. Eren slid back a little, his shoulder blades resting against my knees. I opened my legs just a little so it was more comfortable, then I started to section off the tangled mess.“You can turn on the TV if you want.”

 

Eren grabbed the remote off of the coffee table and turned the TV on. “What do you like to watch, Levi? Cleaning shows?” I rolled my eyes and tugged the comb at a stubborn know. “Ouch!” Eren pulled away from me.

 

“I'm not that boring. Sorry, I'll try to be careful. Come back.” I said with a smile. Eren snickered and leaned back against my legs again. “I've been watching anime mostly. Call me nerdy if you want.” I shrugged, even though he couldn't see it.

 

“Why would I? I watch it too.” Eren chuckled and pulled up the TV app. We spent a while discussing different shows we had seen or wanted to watch and I manged to move the knots at least. It took a whole Ghibli movie's worth of combing to get that far and my hands were starting to get tired.

 

“I think I've got to call it quits, Eren. I know your head is probably sore too. I got a lot of the tangles out, but I couldn't get them all.”

 

Eren stretched a little and stood up. “Thanks for trying. I appreciate it.” He looked sleepy and the way he sat on the couch confirmed it.

 

“Maybe we can work in a haircut for you tomorrow before Hanji picks us up? Is that okay?”

 

“I kinda don't want tomorrow to come.” Eren said as he tied his hair back. It was still a mess, but at least the big knots were worked away from his scalp. “I hate to see my Dad cry, but I know it's inevitable.”

 

I wondered how I was supposed to support Eren in that situation, but I was too afraid to ask. Hanji was good at playing things by ear, so that's what we would do. She had already texted me back that she didn't mind giving us a ride.

 

“I'll do everything I can to be there for you. I know I can't make the situation suck any less, but I can be there for you at least.”

“Thank you, Levi.” Eren smiled at me and I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. Tomorrow was going to be another stressful day that pushed me out of my comfort zone, but maybe that's just what I needed. I felt like I could break at any moment, but Eren was slowly becoming the glue that held me together. Everything would work out.

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. I've been feeling really good about this story lately <3

“What do you think?” Eren asked with a small smile as we walked out the door of the salon.

 

“I think it looks good. Definitely better with all the tangles out.” His hair was still on the longer side, but the longest layer barely touched his shoulder. It looked nice on him. A gust of wind blew and chilled me to the bone. I tried to bundle up this morning, but you could only wear so many layers. Eren stepped up next to me and put his arm around my waist, trying to block me from the frigid wind. “Hanji should be here soon.” I said as I stepped closer to Eren. Within the next minute she was pulling up to the curb.

 

We jumped in the back of her car and thanked the gods for heat.

 

“It's fucking freezing.” I shivered. Eren pulled me up against his side to try and warm me up.

 

“Duh. It's almost winter.” Hanji laughed. “It's supposed to snow today.”

 

“Yeah, I packed a bag just in case.” I said as I looked at my stuffed messenger bag. Our town was notorious for blizzards that happened in an instant and lasted all night.

 

“Good call.” Hanji said as she pulled out onto the main road.

 

“Hanji...I'm sorry about the other day. I didn't mean to push you away like that.” I said as I looked at her reflection in the rear view mirror.

 

“Levi, I didn't take it personally. You've done way worse than that when you are stressed out. You're still my best friend. I just want you to be happy and it seems like you are finally on your way. I can't remember the last time you went twenty-four hours without asking me for help. I'm proud of you.”

 

“Thank you.” I leaned forward a little and gave her a pat on the shoulder.

 

“So what's the plan?” She asked as she pulled onto the interstate.

 

Jean got called into working this morning, so he just told me the address.” Eren said as he looked over to me. “I don't really remember the way still.”

 

“I'll put it in my phone.” Hanji said cheerfully.

 

 

 

As soon as we pulled into the driveway, Eren's hand tightened around my own. He looked nervous, already on the verge of tears.

 

“Is this the right place?” I asked quietly. He simply nodded and stared at the house. “Do you want me to go with you?” I offered. I expected him to say no, but the way he was gripping my hand said otherwise.

 

“Would you?” Eren asked with a frown.

 

“Sure.” I gave his hand a pat and Hanji smiled at us.

 

“I'll wait here. I don't want to make it awkward,” She said as she put the car in park. “If you are gonna be there a while, just text me. I'll find a coffee shop or something.”

 

“Thank you.” Eren said with a small smile. We got out of the car together and he let go of my hand just as we got to the door. I'd forgotten to ask him about that aspect of his life, if his parents had known about his dating preferences. He rung the doorbell and took a deep break. The door opened and a platinum blonde woman with bright red lipstick answered the door. Eren looked confused and he started stuttering.

 

“U-Ugh, is this the Jaeger residence?” He asked.

 

“Yes, who are you looking for?” She asked as she leaned against the doorframe.

 

“Grisha. It's important.” Eren said with a frown.

 

“Let me go get him. Wait here.” She shut the door in our faces and Eren looked over at me, complete defeat filling his features.

 

“I've never seen that woman in my life.” Eren said sadly.

 

Before I could answer him, the door opened and a man poked his head out. His hair was the same color as Eren's though it was streaked with grays.

 

“Eren?! How is this possible?” The man froze on the spot and tears started to drip down Eren's cheeks.

 

“I couldn't remember how to get home, but I finally made it back.” Eren said with a small smile.

 

I could see the obvious hesitation, but Grisha leaned forward to hug his son. I was instantly curious about his reaction. No father would react that way to a son that's been missing. “My god, I thought you were dead, son. Come in. Please.”

 

I followed them inside and trailed behind Eren, not sure what to say. The blonde woman was glaring at us, I caught it from the corner of my eye but she smiled at us as soon as Eren looked at her.

 

“Becca, come here darling.” Grisha said with a smile. Eren froze in front of me and I bumped into his back. “Eren, this is Becca. She's my fiance. I met her after your mother...” Grisha trailed off and I saw Eren's whole body tense.

 

“Nice to meet you.” Eren muttered. “This is Levi.” I peaked out from behind Eren and waved at the.

 

“Good to meet you both.” I tried to keep it polite, but based on Eren's reaction, doubt was filling my

mind. This man was no good. He had that sleazy look that I'd seen so many times before.

 

“Please, sit down. We've got a lot to discuss!” Grisha said with a smile.

 

“I'll go make some coffee.” The blonde said before she walked off.

 

“Where were you Eren? We looked everywhere for you.” Grisha said as he sat down in the recliner by the fireplace.

 

I sat next to Eren on the couch. They didn't have pets and it looked barely sat on, so I took my chances.

 

“I was in Trost, living on the streets for the better part of three months.” Eren snapped a little and looked

over to me. “Until Levi helped me out.”

 

Things weren't adding up. I was skeptical of his father and a cold chill ran through me. Three months to get over a person you've been married to for nearly twenty years? That was bullshit.

 

“Thank god you've got friends to help you Eren. I'm glad you are alright.” Grisha said with a smile.

 

“What happened that night, Dad?” Eren asked with a frown. I don't remember any of it.

 

Grisha sighed and leaned back in his chair. “Are you sure you really want to know, Eren? The details aren't the most cheerful.”

 

“Please....I need to know.” Eren looked over to me for a second and frowned, before grabbing my hand. I felt my cheeks heat up a little, but I held onto his hand, giving him the support he needed. Grisha gave our hands a glance before the attention went to the blonde walking into the room.

 

“I brought coffee for everyone.” She tried to hand me a mug and I held up my hands.

 

“No thanks, I'm not really-” She thrust it into my hand a little too rough and spilled coffee on my jeans.

 

“Don't be rude. Just drink it.” She said shortly. She threw a napkin my way and Eren scowled at her.

 

“Aren't you even going to apologize?” Eren snapped. “You spilled coffee on him.” He took the napkin and started to blot the coffee off my pants. My chest started to tighten a little but I took some deep breaths. Eren needed me. Sure it would probably stain, but it was just coffee.

 

“He should have grabbed it when I handed it to him the first time.” She said as she sat Eren's cup down on the coffee table. I sat my down on the table as well and tried to keep my anxiety to a minimum. Eren took my hand again and looked over at his father.

 

“Alright, I'll get right to it. We were coming back from your Uncle's house and it was late. I'll go ahead and say now that I was a little too tired to have been driving, but I was just trying to get us home.” Grisha said with a shrug.

 

My stomach sank at the way he was telling the story. He was emotionless, recounting the accident like

he'd practiced it a million times.

 

“A coyote ran out in front of the car and I hit it going pretty fast. I tried to brake, but the brakes locked up and we ran off the road and hit a tree. The police said your mother died instantly. I was knocked out and you were gone by the time I woke up the hospital. No one could tell me where you were transported. I've been looking ever since, Eren.”

 

Eren squeezed my hand and took a deep breath. “What about her? How long have you known each other?”

 

“Becca? I met her in the bar after the crash. I was a mess and she pulled me together.” Grisha said with a smile. “She may not be your mother, Eren, but I'm sure we can find a way for you to co-exist. As for living arrangements...that's going to be tough.” Grisha said with a frown.

 

“What do you mean?” Eren raised his eyebrow and Grisha sighed. “We converted your room to an exercise room. Your stuff is in storage.”

 

Eren's mouth fell open and he fell silent. I couldn't believe this slime ball. I wanted to say something, but I didn't want to butt in where it wasn't needed.

 

“Where's the unit?” Eren asked, voice cracking.

 

“It's over near Jean's house. I can give you the address. What do you plan to do Eren? Will you stay with

Jean?” Grisha asked cooly.

 

 

Eren gripped my hand so tight that his nails bit into my skin. “I'll figure it out. Good thing I've got friends, right?” Eren snapped. Grisha stood up and walked out of the room. He returned a few moments later

with an envelope and an address scribbled on the front.

“Sorry about this Eren. I thought you were gone. I was trying to move on.” Grisha said with a frown. “I'm glad you are in good health at least.” He said as he handed Eren the envelope. “I put some cash in there. Hopefully it'll help you get back on your feet.”

 

Eren gripped the envelope in his hand and bit his lip. “You know what would help me get back on my feet? A father that actually gave a damn. Let's go, Levi.” Eren said as he tugged me to the door. We stepped into our shoes and ran out to the car. We jumped in the backseat and as I closed the door, Eren threw the envelope

across the car out of pure anger.

 

“How could he?!” Eren yelled. “How?! He doesn't even care. He wanted me to be dead!” Eren screamed it, his voice cracking. “Why? WHY?!” He was on the verge of a panic attack, that much I could tell.

 

“Hanji, just get us away from here.” I said firmly. I wrapped my arms around Eren and pulled him close to me as he started to sob and scream. I'd only experienced this side of Eren in my dreams. His emotions ran deep back then, but he was so stressed that he broke apart pretty often. I wanted to protect him, but I had no clue what to do.

 

“I-I'm sorry...” He sobbed into my chest.

 

“Eren...” I shook my head and timidly pushed his hair back out of his face. “None of this is your fault.”

 

“I drug you out here for nothing. I wasted your time! I'd be better off dead-”

 

“Don't. Fucking. Say. That.” I snapped. Eren choked and looked up at me, bright greens filled with pain. “You are special, Eren. I'm glad you survived. Please don't regret that.” I followed up calmly.

 

He started sobbing again, gripping onto my shirt for dear life. Hanji had pulled over at the end of a shopping center, away from anyone else that was parked there. Eren was starting to gasp for breath and I rubbed his back.

 

“Breathe, Eren. Deep breaths. You have to calm down.”I whispered. Eren nodded and tried to steady his breathing.

 

Hanji stayed silent, just glancing back at me every once in a while. I didn't know the answer to this. We were just going to have to wing it. After a few moments, Eren's gut wrenching sobs turned into silents tears.

 

“What am I going to do, Levi?” Eren whispered, his voice hoarse from crying.

 

“We'll get this figured out. Priority is figuring out where you want to stay. You are always welcome at my place. It's not the most comfortable, but-” Eren hugged me tighter and nodded his head, choking back tears. “Would you prefer my place over anywhere else?”

 

“I don't want to get in between Jean and Marco.” Eren said with a frown. “They've been trying to get together for years and they had just moved in together before...”

 

“Alright. It's settled then. What about your stuff?”

 

“I shouldn't have that much really. Just the stuff that was in my bedroom. I think Jean will help us.”

 

I handed him my phone and he called Jean as we headed to the unit.

 

“What the fuck, Eren?” Jean jumped out of his car when Eren got out and he frowned. “What happened?”

 

“He's got a new fiance. He thought I was dead so he moved on...” Eren rubbed at his eyes and sighed.

 

“Fuck him, Eren. You've got us. You're always welcome at our place.” Jean gave Eren a hug.

 

“Thank you. Levi is going to let me stay with him, but I appreciate it.”

 

“Whatever makes you happy, but you better not fall of the face of this Earth. I'll be pissed if you do.”

 

“I won't! I promise!” Eren cracked a smile and Jean pulled out gloves and trash bags out of his car.

 

“Let's do this. The cold is going to suck, but the sooner we get it done, the better.” I walked over the the pair of friends and took some gloves from Jean.

 

“Levi, you don't have to help.” Eren protested. “I know how you are about-”

 

“It's just your stuff, right? It's fine if it's from you.” I said with a shrug. I could always take a shower later. Eren didn't repulse me like almost everyone else on this planet.   
  


“Levi, can I ask a favor?” Eren said as we walked towards the unit.

 

“Sure.”

 

“Can I have a hug? I know you won't want to touch me when we are done here.” He asked with a small smile.

 

I rolled my eyes and smirked, before I held my arms open. He hugged me tight. “Thank you for everything.”

 

“Don't mention it.” I said as I watched Eren unlock the unit. It wasn't a large unit by any means. I couldn't imagine what was actually in there. He slid the door up and stood there for a moment, looking at what was inside.

 

I peeked around him and saw a few boxes, but not much else.

 

“Is this everything?” Jean asked with a frown.

 

“I guess so. It'll have to do.” Eren said sadly.

 

“Plan B?” Jean asked. “Let's just load up the boxes. I thought there would be more to sort through but you can go through this inside where its warm.” We packed Hanji's car full, along with Jean's and Eren picked up the last thing in the unit. It was large pencil drawn image of a woman in a golden frame. He carried it to Jean's car, before turning in the key.

 

We made the decision to pack Hanji's car full, since it was bigger. I sat in the front seat and Eren walked over. “I guess I'll see you back at the apartment?”

 

“Yeah. Tell Jean to be careful on the way there. I want you in one piece.”

 

Eren smiled and waved, before climbing into Jean's car. This was definitely going to be a big change for the both of us, but I was prepared to take on any challenge for Eren.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little different. From Eren's POV 
> 
> thanks for reading!

Eren's POV

 

“So...Levi.” Jean said as he tapped on the steering wheel. “I'm surprised you found him. Erwin and Hanji, too.” He said as he stared ahead at the back of Hanji's car.

 

“I don't think Hanji and Erwin have any memories. Levi just recently started getting his.” I said as I looked out the window, at the city that used to hold so many good memories.

 

“He seems a lot different from back then.” Jean said blankly.

 

“He's got some issues, but I think we all do. I'm not the same person I was back then.” I shrugged and watched Hanji drive carefully onto the interstate. “Maybe it's my turn to protect him this time.”

 

“Maybe. I hope things work out for you Eren. You didn't deserve any of this.” Jean said with a sigh. “Your dad is a real piece of work.”

 

“Jean...” I trailed off, my own thoughts stirring in my head. Had it been an accident? I couldn't help but be a little skeptical. Mom and Dad were fighting a lot before the accident and he wasn't home a lot, claiming to be taking on extra shifts at the hospital. “Never mind.” It couldn't be true. There was no way. Dad cared for us and though my parents may have fought, it didn't mean he loved her any less.

 

“I'm always here if you need me, Eren. I know we won't be living in the same city, but it's just a short drive.”

 

“Thanks Jean. Hopefully once I start work and can afford a car it'll make it a little easier.” Not only would it be easier to visit Shiganshina, it would make running errands with Levi a lot easier.

 

We pulled into the apartment complex and started unloading boxes. Levi stood in the doorway and stacked boxes by the door in the living room. Everyone else stayed outside, not wanting to track any dirt into the apartment. As I carried the last box in, Levi's phone started to ring. He slipped off his gloves and answered his phone, walking into the kitchen to have some privacy.

 

Jean and Hanji stood in the doorway and looked at the stack of boxes.

 

“Yes, sir. I think I can manage it.” Levi said into the phone as he peeked around the corner and motioned for them both to come inside. They kicked off their shoes in unison and I ushered them to the bathroom to wash their hands.

 

“Thanks for all your help guys.” I said as I dried my hands.

 

“No problem. You're my best friend, Eren. I'll be there for you anytime.” Jean said with a smile.

 

“I can start tonight and work through tomorrow. It's not a problem.” I heard Levi say. I peeked into the kitchen and he was pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. “Just email me the details and I'll get working on is ASAP. Thanks.” He hung up the phone and sighed.

 

“Everything alright?” I asked with a frown.

 

“My boss ran into an issue with a current contract. I have to push the project to completion by tomorrow at midnight.” Levi groaned.

 

“Will you have time?” I asked, a little bewildered.

 

“If I start by-” Levi checked the time on his phone and frowned. “Eight. So in an hour. I shouldn't complain that much I guess. He said he'd give me a decent bonus.”

 

“If there's anything I can do, just let me know.” I frowned. I was already exhausted from the day we had and sleep sounded amazing, even if it was only seven.

 

“I should be alright. I'm going to take a shower and get to work. I'm probably just going to make instant noodles for myself. Do you want to go out with Jean to eat?”

 

“I don't want to impose-” Levi fished his wallet out and handed me a hundred dollar bill. “Levi-”

 

“Eren, you've had a day from hell. The least I can do is pay for you dinner and for you to do a little shopping. Go buy something you want with the rest. I'm just sorry I won't really have time to talk about it later.” Levi said with a frown.

  
“Only if you're sure.” I said as I stuffed the money in my pocket. “Thank you, Levi. I really appreciate it.”

 

“No problem. He hesitated for a minute, before grabbing my hand and walking me down the hallway. Jean and Hanji were talking about some zombie show on the tv. I'm glad they were getting along alright.

 

He tugged me into the bathroom and shut the door behind us. “Everything okay?” I asked curiously. His cheeks lit up a little and he opened his arms to me. “I'm gross from moving all the boxes. Are you sure?”

 

“Just hurry before I change my mind. I'm about to shower anyway.” I gave Levi a hug and he tugged me down a little, pressing a quick kiss to my cheek before immediately stripping off his clothes and starting the shower. I smirked at him and rubbed my cheek like an idiot.

 

“Didn't expect that.” I chuckled and watched Levi's bare backside as he jumped into the shower, closing the curtain behind him.

 

“It's not much, but...” He said from the shower, his low voice being muffled by the streaming water. “I'm working on it.”

 

“Thanks, Levi. It really means a lot.” I said with a smile. I washed my face quickly in the sink, along with my arms and threw on a change of clothes.

 

“You guys getting freaky in the bathroom?” Jean asked with a smirk.

 

“Jean!” I rolled my eyes and he chuckled.

 

“Relax, I'm joking. So what's the plan?” He crossed his arms and Hanji looked over at us.

 

“Levi has to work on a late project, but he gave me money for us to go out and eat. Would you like to join us, Hanji?” I offered.

 

“No thanks. I've got to be to the shop early tomorrow. I think I'll just pick up some trash food and head home.”

 

“Thanks again, Hanji.” I said with a smile. Jean stood up and stretched as I walked down the hallway.

 

“Levi, I'm heading out. I'll be back in a while.”

 

“Take your time, Bright Eyes. I'll be here.” Levi said from the shower.

 

I followed Jean outside and we walked down to his car. “So where to?”

“Honestly I don't care. He gave me a hundred dollars, Jean.” I shook my head and looked at the crumpled note I'd stuffed in my pocket. “He wanted us to eat and wanted me to buy something I wanted with the rest.”

 

Jean raised his eyebrow and looked at the bill in my hands. “Is Levi....”

 

“His finances are none of my business.” I said with a shrug.

 

“Until you put a ring on it, then it'll be all yours.” Jean laughed. “Don't give me that look, Jaeger. You know it happened back then, too. You were a power couple back then.”

 

“I know, I know.” I smiled at the memory.

 

In the end, we just ended up going through a drive-thru and eating burgers and fries in the park under the stars. We talked about life, about the things that had happened in the last few months and plans for the future. The last few months had been hell, but I had also found the person my heart had been missing for so long. Maybe the future was finally looking up for me after all.

 

 

“Levi?” I knocked on the front door and within a few minutes, he was unlocking the door.

 

“Sorry. I forgot you don't have a key yet.” He mumbled. He had glasses on and I swallowed hard at the way the square frames shaped his face.

 

“Damn. Glasses suit you.” I said as I bit my lip. He smirked and shook his head.

 

I locked the door behind me and stretched my arms. “How's work going?”

 

“It's going fine. Same old same.” Levi walked into the kitchen and refilled his coffee mug. “It's just going to be a long night.”

 

“Do you want me to keep you company?” I asked as I leaned over the sink and washed my hands. He sipped his coffee as he leaned against the counter.

 

“You don't have to. Just relax. You can sleep in my bed if you want tonight.” I nearly dropped the paper towel I was drying my hands with.

 

“Are you sure?” It was definitely a sudden adjustment for him. So far we'd slept rooms apart and I was fine with that. Just being near him was enough for me.

 

“Yeah, I won't be using it tonight. I'll just wash everything tomorrow.” He said with a sigh before he started to walk back towards the living room.

 

“Oh...” I followed after him and he looked over at me.

 

“You sound disappointed.” Levi raised his eyebrow curiously.

 

“I thought you meant you wanted to share your bed with me.” I scratched the back of my head nervously, a tiny bit of embarrassment filling me.

 

Levi looked at his phone, before stuffing it back in his pocket. “I can take a ten minute break. Come sit with me on the couch.”

 

I joined him on the couch and he placed his mug carefully on the coaster, being careful not to spill.

 

“It's not that I don't want to share my bed with you...” He trailed off, eyes watching the steam coming from his mug. “I just don't know if I can...yet.”

 

“We don't have to rush things, Levi. The last thing I want to do is push you to do something you aren't ready for.” I said as I placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

 

“Maybe tomorrow we can sit together here. Like couples do.” Levi suggested. “It's a step forward at least. I'm fine with you hugging me, so I don't think it would be a problem.”

 

“That sounds great. I'm looking forward to it.” I said as I beamed a smile at him. Levi made my heart flutter. He made it seem like nothing was wrong in the world and I was thankful for my temporary escape.

 

“There's a fresh pot of coffee. Help yourself if you want some. I've gotta head back.” He stood up and started to walk back towards his office, before pausing. “Eren, make yourself at home. This is your home, too. I don't want you to feel like a prisoner here. I know it's going to really take a lot of adjusting for both of us, but it'll be worth it.” Levi said calmly, before turning to walk away.

 

I smiled to myself at his words and looked at the pile of boxes sitting next to the door. I didn't really have anything else to do, so I sat down next to the boxes with some trash bags and started going through everything.

 

Within a few hours I had everything sorted into piles. I'd already taken a few trash bags out to the dumpster. A lot of my things were ruined by being haphazardly tossed into boxes without a care. Some of my paints had been tossed in with clothes and everything was ruined in that box. At least my sketching supplies were safe, along with my yoga mat. I gathered up the clothes that were still in good condition and tossed them into the washing machine.

 

I gathered up the empty boxes and carried them down to the dumpster. I looked at the corner where I had stayed all those cold lonely nights. Levi had been the only person that was kind to me. I got shivers thinking about it. I was thankful for Levi, more than he could even begin to imagine.

 

I made my way back upstairs and tucked my stuff away in the corner of the living room. The pencil portrait I'd made of Mom last year, my drawing supplies and my yoga mat were the only things left in the box. Starting over was a scary idea, but I had to move forward. It's not like I had gotten anywhere in particular before the accident.

 

I'd went through a period of depression after the first wave of dreams came to me. The dreams turned into a living hell after a while, so much so that I didn't sleep for days at a time. I couldn't hold down a job and any hope of college was blown to pieces. I was trapped because of my own mind. Jean helped me recover from that, remembering the past around the same time I had. We got through it together, but there was still an emptiness in my heart. I missed the man from my dreams and there was barely any hope of finding him in this world.

 

Somehow lady luck actually blessed me for once. I was happy that I'd found Levi, even though the circumstances weren't the best. I swept and mopped where the boxes had been and took a quick shower before throwing on some shorts and walking into Levi's room. I could hear him typing away as I walked passed the office room, but I didn't bother him. I knew he had a tight deadline.

 

His bed was made perfectly, no surprise there. I'd noticed that his apartment was sparsely decorated. There were only a few pictures in the living room of him with Hanji and Erwin. Something must have happened with his family, but I refused to push him on the issue.

 

I turned off the light and climbed into bed, immediately wrapped in his clean soft scent. I buried my face in his pillow and sighed. My God he smelled good. I longed to be closer to him. I wanted to pull him close and never let him go, but that was a far off dream at this point. I just had to be patient. We could work through this. Both of us had mental demons to fight, but maybe together we could defeat them.

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of your support <3

I'd hit a wall by noon. I had made a lot of progress, but I still had to add the finishing touches. I was beyond tired. I looked at my phone and groaned, unable to think clearly.

 

“Eren...” I said his name. Maybe he could get me something stronger than coffee. I walked to the living room and stared at the empty couch for a moment, before realizing he was probably in my room still. He'd slept with the door open and I smiled a little as I saw him still asleep in my bed. He had one leg hanging off the right side, his arm wrapped around a pillow and his bare chest exposed beneath the blanket that had all but fallen in the floor.

 

“Eren.” I walked over to the bed and tapped him on the shoulder. “Bright Eyes. Wake up. I need a favor.” I begged. I needed espresso or a red bull. I didn't give a damn which.

 

Eren's eyes opened and he rubbed them as he looked at me. “Levi?” He was obviously confused, brain still groggy with sleep. His hair was a mess, but I could give a shit less. I was exhausted.

 

“Caffeine. I need something strong. I don't have time to go out.” I mumbled. I wanted to sleep, but it just wasn't an option right now. I tossed my wallet at Eren and groaned. “Please.”

 

He yawned and sat up in bed, the blanket sliding down further to reveal toned abs. I didn't have time to dwell on it, unfortunately.

 

“Sure. What do you want? An energy drink or coffee?”

 

“I don't care what it is as long as it's strong.” I said as I started to strip. My brain was starting to shut down. I need to sleep, but it wasn't going to happen until tonight. Maybe a shower would wake me up a little. I had enough time for a quick one.

 

Eren's eyes went wide, before I turned to walk to the bathroom. I nearly slipped on the tile, not paying attention to where I was going. I cranked the shower up and leaned against the sink. My eyes looked dead, dark circles making an appearance under my eyes. Eren was putting on a shirt as he walked by the bathroom.

 

“I'll be back as fast as I can.” Eren said with a smile.

 

“Thank you.” I mumbled as I climbed into the shower. I couldn't let myself get carried away. I had to be quick today. I washed my hair and scrubbed my skin just until it was clean, before drying off and getting back to work. Eren was back fifteen minutes later, a bag of energy drinks in his hand.

 

“Is red bull, okay? I wasn't sure...” He handed me one and I popped the top, before starting to chug it.

 

“Yes. Thank you.” I took my glasses off for a second, trying to ignore the headache I was getting.

 

“Do you have time for a little break, Levi? You look exhausted.” Eren said, his voice full of concern.

 

“I don't really. I have to make this deadline.” I said with a sigh.

 

Eren frowned, before nodding and walking out. He was back a few moments later, his hoodie gone and the bag put away.

 

“I washed my hands. Can I give you a shoulder rub? Maybe it'll help a little.” He suggested.

 

“I guess that's fine.” I gave in. What's the worst that could happen. I looked back to my screen and kept going through code, row by row. Eren's hands were warm and he was gentle at first, rubbing my shoulders softly, before massaging the tension away. I sighed in relief and kept editing, trying to not let my mind wander to Eren too much. Truthfully it really was helping to relieve tension. The caffeine was starting to do it's job too. I had a renewed surge of energy as I continued to work. Eren must have stood there over an hour rubbing my shoulders in silence, working the muscles along the back of my neck and the sides until it felt like I hadn't stared at a computer screen all night. My headache was starting to ease and I actually had a smile on my face as I worked. This was definitely a first.

 

“I'll go and let you finish working.” Eren said as he leaned down and pressed a tiny kiss to my shoulder. It was covered by my long sleeve, so there wasn't any actual contact but I still shivered from the thought. “If you need anything, just let me know.” He left the door open and I turned my music back up, before continuing to work. At this rate I would probably be done by four.

 

I caught Eren walking by out of the corner of my eye every now and then. He was cleaning the house up, sweeping and mopping, even doing a load of laundry for me. I had zoned out, completely immersed in my coding when I heard a knock at the door.

 

“I'll get it!” Eren called from the living room. My stomach growled and I groaned. I needed another red bull and a snack. This was too much. I was an idiot for taking on this project, but it allowed for me to take quite a bit of time off without worry.

 

“Levi! When did you last eat? You look like shit.” Hanji scolded me from the doorway.

 

“Last night. I made instant noodles.” I said with a shrug.

 

“I brought some food from work. Eren, please make sure he eats.” Hanji said with a sigh. “I left the food in the kitchen. Take a break. Go. Eat. Right. Now. I've gotta get back to work.” She said as she walked back down the hall.

 

I saved my progress and stood up, legs sore from sitting in the same position for so long. My back ached and my headache was starting to come back.

 

I walked to the kitchen and Eren was placing the food Hanji had brought on a plate for me. “Go sit on the couch, I'll bring it to you. Stretch out if you want.”

 

It was nice to have Eren around, that was for sure. I stretched my legs out on the couch and noticed how clean the living room was. Eren had sorted through all of the boxes, swept and mopped. He handed me a plate of food with a latte from Scout's.

 

“Thanks, Eren. You've been a life saver.” I said as I sipped on the latte. Hanji had made some kind of sandwich for me. I wasn't going to be picky about what it was. My couch was big enough for Eren to sit at the end with his own plate. I wasn't surprised that Hanji made us both lunch.

 

“No problem.” Eren said with a smile, before diving into his sandwich. I just wanted to take a nap and be done with this project, but I had to stay awake. I had to finish it. “When's the last time you took a vacation, Levi?” Eren asked curiously.

 

“I went on a weekend trip with Hanji and Erwin back in college, but that didn't really go well...” I shivered at the memory. They tried to take me to a spa, but I refused to get in the pool or hot tubs. I wouldn't let any of the people touch me either, so I spent most of the trip in the room.

 

“Maybe one day I can take you somewhere.” Eren said as he sipped on his coffee. “You deserve a break.”

 

“I can never trust the rooms that other people stay in. I always end up scrubbing them down when I get there. It probably wouldn't be fun for you.” I frowned and took another bite.

 

“I'll help you clean. It would be worth it. We could go somewhere fun together. Maybe some day.” Eren shrugged and kept eating. Before I knew it, my break was over and I had to go back to work.

 

“I'm so ready to be done with this.” I said with a groan. I took the rest of my latte back to my desk and stared at the screen with a sigh. The code was blurring together and my dull headache was quickly becoming a migraine. “For fucks sake.”

 

By the time I submitted the project, the sun was already setting. I was nauseous from my migraine, head throbbing.

 

“Eren.” I groaned his name and dropped my face down on my arm. I had already turned off my computer, the light sending sharp pain to my head.

 

“Levi? Are you okay?” I felt Eren's hand on my shoulder and I groaned.

 

“Migraine.” I mumbled. “I finished though.”

 

“What do you need me to do?” He had lowered his voice noticeably to a low murmur to not make my head hurt any worse.

 

“I just need to lay in the dark....fuck. I forgot to wash the bedding.” I groaned and my head started to throb.

 

“I did it earlier. I made the bed too.” Eren whispered. “Come on, you need to rest.” He took my hand and turned off the light to the office, leading me to the bedroom. The light was off, but I could see the oranges hues peeking through the edges of the blackout curtains. I kicked off my pants and climbed into bed, breathing in the clean scent of detergent. Eren pulled the blankets up over me and a wave of nausea washed over me from the movement. I gagged and leaned over the edge of the bed.

 

“Can you grab me some medicine? It's in the bathroom cabinet.” I begged.

 

“Sure.” Eren tip toed out of the room and I shut my eyes. If the nausea would pass, I could rest a little. “Levi, is it the orange bottle or the ibuprofen?” Eren murmured.

 

“The orange one. I should have taken it earlier when I first felt it coming, but I'm an idiot.” I said as I cracked my eye open. Eren handed me a pill and a glass of water. I downed it and sat still, waiting for another wave of nausea.

 

“Do you get migraines a lot?” Eren asked as he sat the bottles on my nightstand. I slid back down in the covers and he pulled the blankets up over my shoulders.

 

“Maybe two or three times a month. Usually when I have a deadline like this.” I shivered from the cold sweat of nausea.

 

“Be right back.” Eren was up again, but he was back in a few seconds this time. He sat on the edge of the bed and wiped my face with a warm washcloth.

 

“You don't have to do this.” I whispered.

 

“Of course I do, Levi. After everything you've done for me? It's my turn to take care of you.” He kept wiping my face, slicking back my damp hair out of my face. His touch was soothing, gentle and caring. I felt myself starting to doze off and movement stirred me.

 

“Eren?” I cracked my eye open and reach for his hand. “Will you stay? Until I'm asleep at least...” I asked quietly.

 

“Sure. If it won't bother you.” I moved over a little, my nausea starting to ease just a bit. Eren laid down next to me on top of the blankets, far enough away to not cause me any panic. His fingers made their way into my hair and I sighed in relief. He was ever so gently massaging my scalp and playing with my hair. I'd never experienced anything like this before. My stress was melting away, bit by bit.

 

“Sorry about our date tonight.” I turned to look at Eren, his bright greens still visible in the dark.

 

“Don't worry about it Levi. Your health comes first. There's always tomorrow.” He whispered as he pulled my hand out from under the covers and up to his lips. He pressed a gentle kiss to the back of my hand and even in the dark, I could see his bright smile.

 

“Thanks, Bright Eyes.” I shut my eyes again and Eren's fingers returned to my hair, rubbing tiny circles into my scalp until I drifted off.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading <3

Soft snoring woke me up. I looked over to see Eren asleep on the side of the bed. He'd barely moved last night, his fingers inches from my hair. One glance at the clock told me it was already past ten. I'd slept for way too long.

 

“Eren?” I said his name calmly and he open his eyes.

 

“Shit! Sorry!” He said up in bed and I reach for his hand. “I didn't mean to fall asleep.”

 

“It's okay. It didn't bother me.” I smiled and sat up next to him. My headache was gone and I couldn't be happier.

 

“Feeling better?” He asked quietly.

 

“Yeah, thanks to you. Thanks for keeping me in one piece yesterday. I would have fallen apart without you.”

 

“Don't mention it.” Eren yawned and stretched his arms up. “So what's the plan today? You're off work, right?”

 

“Yeah, I'm off and I don't plan on taking on anymore last minute projects either.”

 

“What do you usually do on your days off?” Eren asked as he ran his thumb over the back of my hand, softly rubbing circles. I looked down at our joined hands and shrugged. I felt like the most boring person in the world. I didn't really want to tell him that I just cleaned on my days off or read. I was bland straight to my core.

 

“I guess I'm kind of boring when it comes to my days off.” I looked away from Eren. I wanted to be a fun person for him to spend time with, but I was far from it.

 

“Surely you have hobbies, Levi.” Eren brushed his bangs out of his face.

 

“I like to read occasionally. I go on walks sometimes, usually to Scout's.”

 

“We've made progress!” Eren said happily. “Do you feel like going out today?”

 

“If you want to. I think I can manage.” I said as I let go of his hand and hung my legs off the bed. I felt like a new person after some rest. “How about we grab lunch at Scout's?”

 

“Sounds great to me.” Eren stood up and I followed after him. “Do you want a shower first?”

 

“You go ahead. I'm just going to spot clean for a few minutes. Not that you didn't do a great job. I really do appreciate it, I just-” Eren pulled me into his arms and gave me a gentle hug.

 

“You don't have to explain, Levi. I get it.” Eren beamed at me and took a step back before pulling off his shirt. His hair was everywhere, bed head turning into something wild. I looked at his chest and my eyes trailed lower before my cheeks heated up and I looked away.

 

“You're allowed to look, Levi. We're together aren't we?” Eren took my hand in his and I glanced back at him.

 

“It's just odd for me I guess...” I mumbled. “I used to be the muscular one.”

 

Eren laughed and shook his head. “It's like you were made of rock back then. I was in better shape then too, but I like you the way you are Levi.”

 

I'd thought about trying to get into an exercise routine but even the idea of going to the gym made me cringe. There was no way in hell I'd touch the things that other people had sweated on.

 

“Did you go to the gym? Well...before everything happened.” I asked.

 

“Occasionally. I did a lot of home workouts. Mostly yoga and stuff like that.”

 

“You do yoga?” I raised my eyebrow and Eren nodded.

 

“Yeah. I love it. It's relaxing. Want me to teach you sometime?” Eren asked as he tossed his shirt into the hamper and started the shower.

 

“Maybe...if we can do it here and it's not messy.” I followed him into the bathroom and started brushing my teeth. It's like we had already fallen into a comfortable pattern around each other, even though it hadn't been that long.

 

Eren stripped off the rest of his clothes and I caught a glimpse of his bare back as he climbed into the shower and shut the curtain.

 

I washed my face, before grabbing the clothes hamper. After starting a load of laundry, I wiped down the counter and spot mopped the floor. Everything looked clean and smell fresh. Eren had done an amazing job. I peaked in the trashcan and it had a new bag.

 

After giving my office a once over I headed to the bedroom and made the bed before sitting on the edge of it. I couldn't remember a time I felt at ease like this. It had to have been years now.

 

I got my outfit ready for the day and took my shower once Eren was done. We were out the door minutes after that.

 

“It doesn't seem as cold today.” I said as I looked up at the sky. We had gotten lucky with a break in the weather today. I was comfortable with a light sweater on and Eren had on a green hoodie. The color matched his eyes perfectly.

 

“Yeah, it's not freezing for once! I just want it to be spring.” Eren said with a chuckle. The street wasn't very busy for this time of day and for that I was thankful. There were less people to avoid, less stress.

 

We took the long way to Scout's, through the back side of the local shopping district. I looked into the store windows as we passed and once in a while Eren pointed at something new he'd never seen before.

 

“Sirs! Care to buy-” I froze as the man jumped out in front of us and my chest constricted. In one smooth move, Eren looped his arm around my waist and pulled me away from the man, tugging me towards the crosswalk.

 

“We don't want any!” Eren yelled as we walked off. In an instant Eren had handled the situtation. I felt a little shaky but I was okay overall.

 

We crossed the street silently and I caught my breath, suddenly realizing that I had been holding onto the hem of Eren's hoodie the hole time.

 

“I-” I pulled my hand back and Eren smiled at me, wrapping his warm hand around my own. “Thank you.”

 

“Anytime. Those guys are scumbags. They use scare tactics to try and make a dollar.” Eren sighed and stopped in front of a window. There was a pair of kittens playing with a tiny mouse toy and he beamed at the pair, pointing out of cute and fluffy they were. “I want one! I want them both!” Eren laughed and pointed to the grey one. “That one looks like Jean's cat!”

 

I stared at the kittens as they played and saw myself forever sweeping up fur and lint rolling everything I owned. Not to mention the litter issue. I wanted to give Eren everything I could, but it was too soon for anything like that.

 

“Maybe one day.” I said with a small smile. “When I can handle the hair and stuff better.”

 

“Sounds like a plan!” Eren waved goodbye to the kittens and we walked the rest of the block to scouts, hand in hand. We got a few stares from the people that were actually walking around this time of day, but Eren quickly directed my attention away. He opened the door to scouts for me and we sat down in a booth together.

 

“Look who's here!” Hanji said excitedly. “You got the hermit out of his shell today.”

 

“Very funny, Hanji.” I rolled my eyes and Eren chuckled. We quickly placed our orders and Eren reach his hand across the table. I timidly took his after looking around. The restaurant was mostly empty, so we should be safe.

 

“Does it bother you?” Eren asked.

 

“When Hanji teases me?” I cocked my eyebrow and Eren shook his head.

 

“No...I mean holding hands with me. You look worried.” He said with concern in his voice.

 

“It doesn't bother me, Eren. I'm just weary about some of the people in this city.” I shivered at the memory that had been etched into my mind, all those years ago. It was something I could never forget. “I've seen people in this city hurt others because of it.” I whispered. That was putting what I witnessed lightly.

 

“I would never let anything happen to you, Levi.” Eren said with a smile. “I'd gladly kick anyone's ass over you.”

 

I chuckled and looked down at our joined hands. “I'll hold you to that then, Bright Eyes.” My phone vibrated and I pulled it out of my pocket. It was Jean, texting for Eren no doubt. “Here, it's for you.” I handed him my phone and Eren read the text.

 

“Jean wants to hang out?” He frowned and looked at me.

 

“I'm not holding you hostage, Eren. Do what you want. I know you guys are still trying to get back to normal after what happened.”

 

Eren shook his head and replied to the text, before handing the phone back. “No, it's my day to spend time with you. You need a break after yesterday.”

 

My phone started ringing and I rolled my eyes before handing it back to Eren.

 

“Jean...no I want to hang out with Levi today.” Eren huffed and dropped his head as he listened to Jean. “Let me call you back. We are at lunch. Yes Jean, I'll ask him.” He hung up the phone and handed it back to me.

 

Hanji brought out our food and coffee and I covered my hands in santizer before starting to eat.

 

“He wants us to go to the lake with them. It's up to you though.” Eren sipped on his coffee and I watched his eyes change. Sadness started working its way in, even I could tell that.

 

“Eren...” I was concerned. The grief he was trying to process, along with trying to snap out of his amnesia was enough to break a normal person.

 

“It just hurts to think about home...about Mom and how Dad is acting. I want to spend time with Jean, but...” Eren looked into my eyes and I could see him starting to tear up. “I think that's why he suggested the lake. It's pretty far away from the main part of the city. We used to go there a lot.”

 

“If you feel up to it, we can go. Jean's car better be clean though.” I said with a small smile.

 

Eren laughed and wiped away the tears that had been threatening to fall. “I will.”

 

 

 

I sat in the back of Jean's car with Eren's head on my shoulder. His car was surprisingly clean and Marco was chatting up a storm the whole way to the lake, though Eren was unusually quiet.

 

“Here we are.” Jean pulled into a parking spot and we all got out. There was a nice breeze and the sun felt warm on my skin, a very welcomed feeling. I'd been here once with my uncle when I was younger, but that was a long time ago. I barely remembered the place.

 

We started walking around and Eren was silent as he looked out at the water. The way the sun made the surface sparkle was certainly breath taking.

 

“Bright Eyes...” I timidly looped my arm around his lower back and he smiled at me.

 

“Sorry...everything is just hitting me at once I guess.” He leaned against the cement barrier and I kept my arm around him, trying to soothe his broken heart.

 

“Eren-” Jean ran over to us and Eren dropped his face down into his hands. He was crying now, body shaking with silent tears. Jean put a hand on his shoulder and Eren shook his head.

 

“I hate feeling like this. I feel like I'm dragging everyone down.” He mumbled with a shaky voice.

 

“That's not true at all. You are family, Eren. We want to be here for you. You can't get over what happened in a day or a week. It takes time.” Jean said calmly.

 

“We haven't been through what you are going through, but will we do our very best to understand and help you.” Marco added. “We love you, Eren.”

 

Eren wiped the tears off his face and swallowed hard.

 

“I'll do everything I can for you, Eren. You're special to me.” I said as I rubbed his back. My heart was pounding, but I stood on my tiptoes to reach his cheek. I pressed my lips to the damp salty skin, praying that I was doing the right thing.

 

His eyes went wide and he looked at me in shock for a moment, before turning to wrap his arms around me in a tight hug. “Thank you...” I hugged him back and we stayed like that for a few moments while he calmed down. I had all the time in the world for Eren. If this was what he needed then I'd be here for him.

 

Eventually, we started walking again and he seemed a little more upbeat after letting some of his emotions flow out.

 

He held onto my hand tightly and swung our joined hands back and forth a little as we walked. It was a beautiful day and the fresh air was helping me relax and enjoy this time with Eren. Hopefully it was doing him some good as well.

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! This chapter is a little long! I was going to try to break it in half, but I couldn't find a good place to break it. Enjoy!!

“ _Levi...what are your dreams? You've never really talked about it.” Eren asked. His hair was short again and he was sitting on the edge of the wall. Sometimes we went there at night to talk and enjoy the stars and moonlight together._

 

“ _To survive in this world. It's been my only goal since I was young and I've done it so far.” I shrugged and looked over at him. He was frowning and reach his hand up to the stars like he was trying to grab one._

 

“ _I mean if you could have anything else in this world, what would you ask for?”_

 

“ _A calm life I guess. A life full of peace and the freedom to go wherever I pleased. Having you by my side wouldn't be so bad either.” I smiled at him and he moved closer to me, pressing his lips to my own._

 

“ _That sounds like a good plan.” Eren whispered against my lips._

 

“ _Maybe we'll have it someday, Bright Eyes.”_

 

My eyes opened to a weather alert on my phone. Apparently we were getting a snow storm, not that I cared.

 

Eren had slept on the couch last night, even though it felt a little lonely not waking up next to him, it was probably for the best. Yesterday had been hard on both of us and he didn't want me to push myself too hard.

 

I got out of bed and started my daily routine of cleaning, trying not to wake him. His long legs were hanging off the couch and at some point most of his blanket had fallen in the floor, along with his pillow. How could he sleep like that?

 

I scrubbed the bathroom from floor to ceiling, taking way too much time on the tile in the shower. I always tried to get them spotless, but grout was hard to clean. My hands were sore by the time I was done and after scrubbing the kitchen I took a nice long shower to wash away the grime.

 

He was still sound asleep after I was dressed and I didn't have the heart to wake him. I covered him with a clean blanket and bent down to grab the one that had fallen.

 

“Mhmm...good morning.” Eren groaned and rubbed at his eyes.

 

“I didn't mean to wake you. Sleep more if you need to.” I whispered.

 

“No, I need to get up. I slept too much already.” Eren yawned and stretched his arms. “Gotta pee...” He stood up and walked down the hallway. I picked his pillow and blanket up, before tossing them in the washing machine. I didn't feel like going to Scout's today, so home brew would have to do.

 

The coffee machine started brewing as Eren walked into the kitchen. “Smells good.”

 

I raised my eyebrow at him. He could already smell it? “But I just started it-” He wrapped his arms around me from behind and breathed in the scent of my hair.

 

“Smells like lilac. I like it.” He whispered. I felt my face light up and I stood still for a moment, enjoying his warmth. “So what do you have planned for today, Levi?” Eren asked, still holding me gently from behind. I carefully covered his linked hands with my own and leaned my head back just a little, resting it against his shoulder. My heart was racing, even though it was just basic contact. In the back of mind I could remember my dream, how we sat atop the wall talking about our dreams and sharing much more than hugs.

 

“We should get some groceries. I think there's going to be a snow storm.” I said as I turned around. Eren smiled at my and stepped back just a little, resting his hands on my waist. I could see the snow clouds looming through the window and it was gray outside.

 

“I get to eat your home cooking again?” Eren asked with a grin and I had almost forgotten all the leftover I'd taken him.

 

“I hope it'd edible at least.” I smirked and reluctantly broke away from him to grab a notepad and a pen from my office. Eren joined me on the couch with two steaming mugs of coffee.

 

“Is there anything in particular you want to eat?” I asked as I added to the list.

 

“The chicken pasta you made was delicious. I'll eat anything though. I don't mind cooking either, but my skills aren't as developed as yours.” Eren chuckled and tapped my pen on the paper.

 

I'd been contemplating something since last night and I wanted to act on it now before I over thought it.

 

“Eren...maybe we can get some new things for the bedroom while we are out?” My voice was a bit shaky as I said it. I was nervous about it, but I wanted to be closer to Eren. The least I could do for him was let him sleep in my bed.

 

“Do you want new pillows or something?” Eren asked as he sipped his coffee.

 

“Yeah, for your side of the bed...” I mumbled it and scribbled it down on the notepad.

 

“Levi...” Eren said my name and placed his mug on the coaster. “The last thing I want to do is push you out of your comfort zone. We can take it slow-”

 

“I don't want to.” I said it suddenly and dropped my pen on the floor. I felt like I was breaking apart. The old me wanted Eren so bad that it hurt and the new me didn't even know how to handle the situation. Eren was the only person in this world that made me feel somewhat normal. I dropped my face in my hands and shook my head. “I'm terrified, but...” I looked over at him and those beautiful emerald eyes were staring intently into mine.

 

“Just don't overdo it, okay? I'll only go as far as you want me to.” Eren said gently.

 

“Okay...” I trailed off and looked over my list, before I looked over to Eren. I slowly moved closer and pressed a kiss to his cheek, lingering a little longer than I had before. My heart was pounding but the last thing on my mind was germs. Eren was safe to me and I was thankful for that.

 

He grinned at me and touched his lips to my forehead, ever so delicately. I swallowed hard at the contact and watched as he drew back. “I'm gonna take a quick shower and get dressed. We probably should head out before the weather gets bad.” He downed the last of his coffee, before taking his mug into the kitchen.

 

I sent Hanji a quick text and scribbled down the rest of my list. She was off from work early today, since she worked the early morning shift for inventory. Hopefully this trip to the store would go better than the last.

 

 

 

“Are you sure about this, Levi? You usually don't do well in this store.” Hanji warned me as we pulled into a parking spot. I nodded and looked over to Eren.

 

“I have an idea...if you don't mind to help.” Eren offered. “We can split the list in half. That'll be less time we need to spend inside.”

 

“Not a bad idea.” Hanji said as she tore the list in half. “I'll grab the groceries, you get the other stuff.”

As we started to walk to the entrance, my chest started to tighten and my breaths felt heavy. Maybe this was a bad idea after all. Eren wiped down the handle of the cart and we split up with Hanji. She headed to the grocery side while we went to the home goods.

 

My hands were starting to shake as I looked around. There was gum stuck to the floor and mud everywhere. It was a mess in here.

 

“Levi, hold onto my arm.” Eren said with a smile. I wrapped my hand around his forearm as we walked and the contact helped to calm me a little.

 

We quickly decided on everything we needed from a new comforter to new pillows and sheets. I even picked out a couple of fluffy blankets for the colder nights, though Eren didn't make me touch anything. In no time we were meeting up at the checkout with Hanji. My hands were shaking and my chest was tight, but I hadn't had a breakdown at least. It seemed like progress. I waited for them to bag and pay for everything, before we were on our way.

 

Hanji helped us carry everything upstairs and I ran to the bathroom to take a second shower as soon as I was in the door. I felt bad about it, but Eren had already accepted me for who I was. He didn't treat me any different for it.

 

I was amazed that I didn't have to scrub my skin raw or that I felt like bugs were crawling all over me. I was relatively calm and I was out of the shower in a normal amount of time.

 

Hanji and Eren were sitting on the couch, having tea. Is this what normal seemed like?

 

“Are you alright?” Hanji asked as she sat her mug down.

 

“Yeah. I'm fine, actually.” I shrugged and looked out the window. The clouds were growing darker by the minute. “Thanks for all of your help.” I said as I looked down to the sidewalk where I'd seen Eren so many days and nights.

 

“Anytime.” Hanji said as she walked into the kitchen. I felt a hand on my back as Eren stood beside me.

 

“I don't remember the last time I didn't have a full blown panic attack at the store.” I said as I watched a few flurries start to fall. “It's strange.”

 

“The beginning of something wonderful!” Hanji said as she walked towards the door. She slipped on her boots and grabbed her jacket. “I'm gonna head out before the roads get back. If you need anything, call me.”

 

“Be careful.” We waved to her and Eren dropped his chin down on my shoulder after the door closed.

 

“I had a dream about you last night.” I whispered as he wrapped his arms around me a little tighter from behind. I knew he'd washed his hands and changed his clothes. Eren was great at staying on top of all that already,

 

“Was it a good dream?” He asked.

 

“Yeah. We were talking on top of the wall. You asked me about my dream for the future.” I said as I closed my eyes and tried to remember back.

 

“I remember that night. I guess it came true, huh?” Eren muttered, his breath warm against my neck. I shivered a little and opened my eyes to stare out the window. The snow was really falling now, covering the street and grass in seconds.

 

“Mostly.” I said as I felt my heart ache a little. “I still feel trapped sometimes. Not by those monsters anymore but...” Did I really want to get into this now? Did I want to gush out my feelings about my mental illness and my past trauma? Not really. I would save that for another day.

 

“We'll both beat our own monsters someday, Levi.” Eren said calmly, before burying a kiss in my hair.

 

My heart was hammering in my chest. I kept thinking about the countless kisses we'd shared back then, about the lack of hesitation between either of us. Now everything was planned and thought about endlessly until I began to over think it. I needed to be brave. I could trust Eren. I had given him my whole heart back then and this wasn't any different.

 

I turned around in his arms and leaned my forehead against his shoulder. Eren's hands fell to my hips and he hugged me close, so close I could smell the bosy wash he'd used. I wanted to run, to hide away and not push myself too hard but the Levi that had loved Eren so long ago wanted this. He wanted his partner back. I tilted my head up a little and Eren was smiling down at me. I hadn't thought this through. I was too short to reach him and my cheeks lit up in embarrassment. I silently tugged his shirt a little and he leaned down, staying still enough for me to press my lips to his. My stomach sank and I could feel my heart pounding, and felt his arms wrap around me just a little tighter.

 

I wanted to take it further, but this would have to do for now. I didn't want to ruin the moment with a panic attack. I drew back just enough to look up at Eren and I smiled at him.

 

“I really like you, Eren.” I whispered. He was my anchor, the person I had been closest to back then and now.

 

“I really like you too, Levi.” Eren leaned down again and pressed his lips to mine again and my chest tightened. This was a lot for one day. My fingers tightened in his shirt and though I felt like a failure, Eren looked at me like I was the most precious person on the planet. My hands were shaking now, nerves starting to take over. “Let's go sit.” he tugged me towards the couch and we sat down together. I wanted to run, to apologize for not making the kiss deeper, but I just couldn't yet. It was too much.

 

“Eren-”

 

“You have no idea how happy that made me, Levi. Thank you.” Eren beamed at me and my mouth fell open a little. My shock turned into a smile as he took my hand in his. My pulse was slowing now, a sense of calm washing over me once more.

 

After a while, Eren turned on the TV and we settled on some murder mystery show. Eren motioned for me to come closer and I carefully moved to his side. Our thighs were touching and he wrapped his arm around me, pulling me right up against him. My head fell to his shoulder and we relaxed for a while in comfortable silence.

 

An alert on my phone some time later showed a winter storm warning. I'd completely forgotten about the snow storm. Eren had eased my mind enough for me to relax with him for a while.

 

“Are we supposed to get a lot of snow?” Eren asked as he sat up a little. I looked at the screen and my eyes went wide.

 

“No way.” This was insane. At this rate, the power could get knocked out. “Up to two feet of snow in twenty-four hours?!” I stood up and ran to the window. Snow was piling up quickly. You couldn't even see where the sidewalk began and the road ended.

 

“Do you think the power will go out?” Eren asked with a frown.

 

“It's possible. The lines here aren't the best.” I said as I looked as the heavy flakes fall to the ground. “And I don't have backup heat, either.” I said as I stepped away from the window. I was getting worried now. The last thing I wanted was for us to freeze to death.

 

“Let's just try to stay positive.” Eren said with a bright smile. He tugged me back to the couch and I sat back down next to him. “The next episode is starting!”

 

I looked back to the TV as I sat there next to him, trying to think of a backup plan. My mind was spinning, trying to come up with a solution.

 

“Levi, try not to worry so much, okay? We've got each other. We can think of something together if the time comes.” He said as he pulled me a little closer. I fell forward a bit, my hand landing on his thigh. I was trying not to hesitate so much with him. Eren deserved a somewhat normal relationship. Well, as normal as I could give him. I closed the distance between us and pressed my lips to his. It was only our third kiss, but it was starting to feel natural. I felt butterflies in my stomach and Eren chuckled against my lips, his warm breath ghosting over my lips.

 

Just a little more. I could push myself a tiny bit more, all I needed was a little courage. I pressed my lips to his again and though my hands were shaking, I made a move to deepen the kiss. Just as the tip of my tongue brushed his lower lip, the room went dark and I shoved my face down against his chest instead.

 

“For fuck's sake.” Eren cursed. “Way to cock block me, snow.”

 

I burst out laughing against his chest and Eren started chuckling. We were laughing together like idiots in the dark.

 

“I knew it was going to happen. The electricity here is garbage.” I said with a sigh.

 

“At least I'll freeze to death with a smile on my face.” Eren joked.

 

My phone started to ring and Erwin's name flashed across my screen.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Levi, do you guys have power? Hanji just text me that hers is out.” Erwin's deep voice came through and I could here dishes clanking in the background.

 

“Nope, we lost power too.” I said grimly.

 

“Do you want me to get you two on my way home? I've got a fireplace. I'm picking Hanji up.”

 

Without hesitation, I answered. “Yes. God knows how long the power will be out here. We will pack a bag for a couple of days.”

 

“Okay. I'll be leaving here in twenty. I'm closing up now.”

 

“Thanks, Erwin.” I hung up and groaned. I didn't want to go out in the snow, but we had no choice.

 

“So we need to pack?” Eren asked curiously.

 

“Yeah. I've got an extra bag if you need one.” I said as I stood up. Eren followed after me and we started packing the essentials.

 

As I carried my bag into the living room, my phone started to ring again.

“Hello?” I tucked my phone against my shoulder and tossed my bag on the couch.

 

“Bad news, Levi. The road that leads to you apartment is closed because of car accidents.” Erwin's said on the other end.

 

“So we are stuck here?” I froze in place and my chest started to tighten.

 

_Trapped. Trapped in darkness. In pitch black. No heat, no warmth._

 

All at once I couldn't breathe. I could no longer hear Erwin's voice or focus on anything around me. My hands were shaking and my knees buckled. I could feel hands on me. Filthy, dirty hands.

 

“Levi?!”

 

“ _Don't touch me!!” I screamed it and tried to curl in on myself. I was rocking back and forth, praying they wouldn't touch me. I was filthy. Dirty. Digusting._

 

I started choking, unable to take a full breath.

 

“Please. Please don't...”

 

_From head to toe, I was covered in filth. Blood and dirt was caked under my fingernails. I had tried to escape, even prayed for a hero but they never came. I'd always be dirty._

 

“Heichou! Please!” I heard a desperate voice and felt a hand tighten around my own.

 

_No one held my hand this way. They didn't play games like this. No one ever showed any kind of remorse or tender touch._

 

“Levi, It's Eren. Please. Talk to me.” I heard a soothing voice beg and the darkness began to slip away. I still felt filthy, dirty, disgusting. “Levi...”

 

Arms wrapped around me and I breathed in Eren's clean scent. He was hugging me right to his chest, his hair cascading down in a veil over my eyes.

 

I'd fucked up. He'd seen a part of me I never wanted him too. I screamed against his chest, my heart feeling like it would rip apart with fear and anxiety. I never wanted to remember those days, but sometimes it was unavoidable.

 

“You're okay. You're safe.” Eren whispered to me and I clung to him like he was my very last breath.

 

“Er-Eren...” I mumbled his name and I was so terrified I could feel my pulse pounding in my neck.

 

“I've got you.” Eren soothed. It was already getting cold and my mind snapped back to the issue at hand.

 

“Fuck. I'm so sorry.” I looked up at him and swallowed hard. My legs were still frozen in fear, but Eren's body language showed no sign of anger or frustration. He was gentle, treating me like an already cracked piece of glass. “We're gonna get stuck here. It's all my fault...”

 

“Stop saying that. Everything will be fine.” Eren said with a smile. He could still smile in a situation like this? After finding out his boyfriend is bat-shit crazy in the middle of a power outage in a storm? “Take a few deep breaths. We can work through this.” He ran his fingers through my hair and tension began to fall away.

 

I rested against him for a few minutes, just breathing and trying to calm down. My heart rate started to slow, along with my tears. My muscles started to relax and along with Eren's help, I was able to stand.

 

“That's it.” Eren said softly. I made a move to try and walk, but he held me still for a little longer. Even in the middle of a snow storm, there was no rush. I was Eren's priority and I could feel my heart swell at that thought. “Just sit for a minute, okay?”

 

He walked me over to the couch and handed me my phone, before walking back towards the bedroom. My hands were still trembling, but I was coming down from my panic attack, little by little. Eren returned with the backpack I lent him and he stuffed my own bag inside it, before slinging my messenger bag over his shoulder.

 

“We need to meet Erwin down the street. I don't mean to rush you one bit, but the snow is getting worse. I don't want to make him wait too long. I talked to him on your phone.” Eren said as he took my hand and helped me up. We both slipped on our shoes and coats, before we left the apartment together.

 

I shivered as I stepped into the snow. It was up to the middle of my calf already and I looked to Eren for reassurance.

 

“We can make it. It's just a couple of blocks.” Eren said as he led the way, shoving snow aside as he made his way down the steps slowly. I nearly fell off the bottom step and Eren caught me.“Careful.” He warned. “Hold onto me so you don't slip.”

 

“Eren...” I held onto his arm as we waded through the snow. I'd never seen it snow like this before. It had easily accumulated another inch since we'd walked outside. Everything seemed muted around me, from the blanket of flakes falling around us.

 

He was brave now, just like back then but this time was different. Eren had grown. He was a born leader, caring and dependable. A gust of icy wind blew through the street and I hid my face against his arm.

 

“That's Erwin's car, right?” Eren asked. I looked up and saw Erwin's SUV in a parking lot. The car was running, waiting for us.

 

“Yeah, that's him.” I said as I went to step off the sidewalk to cross the street.

 

“Levi!” Eren pushed me and I felt my stomach sink and he tripped and fell into a mucky puddle of snow, road salt and water.

 

“Fuck. FUCK!” I had to help. I reach out for his hand and helped him up, but I was covered in the muck now.

 

Eren laughed as he stood up and shook some of the mud off his clothes. “I remembered the sidewalk has a drop off there. I didn't want you to hurt your ankle or anything.” Eren smiled and I looked in disbelief at the man in front of me. Erwin had spotted us, because he was heading toward us slowly with the car.

 

“I'm got you a little dirty. Sorry about that.” Eren frowned and I shook my head. What was this feeling? How was this even possible?

 

“I-I'm more worried about you.” I said, not being able to fathom the thought.

 

“I'm fine. Maybe a scratch or two, but nothing major. Except majorly cold.” Eren laughed again and Erwin finally pulled up next to us.

 

We climbed in the backseat and Eren started apologizing. “I'll detail your car! Sorry about that!”

 

“No worries. I saw what happened.” Erwin said with a small smile. He cranked the heat up as Eren started to shiver. My skin was starting to itch from my hand being dirty, but I pushed the thought out of my mind. Eren was definitely the type to hide whether he was hurt or not.

 

“Where did you get scratched?” I asked. I was concerned. Eren didn't deserve to get hurt because of me.

 

“My leg and my arm. I'm fine though, Levi.” Eren reassured.

 

“I'll bandage it when we get there.” I offered. “Thank you Eren. I could have broken my ankle on that ledge.”

 

“As if I'd let you get hurt.” Eren rolled his eyes playfully and I smiled at him.

 

We pulled up to Hanji's apartment and she hopped in the front seat. “Thanks for rescuing me!” She said happily as she reach across and hugged Erwin.

 

“No problem. I'm not the only one rescuing people today. Eren fell in a puddle so his prince wouldn't get hurt.” Erwin joked.

 

“Are you alright?” Hanji looked back at us and Eren started laughing.

 

“A little wet and muddy, but I'm fine. Levi helped me up.” Eren grinned and Hanji glanced over to me as she raised an eyebrow.

 

“And you are okay, Levi?” She asked curious.

 

“I'm fine. Just a little worn out.” I muttered. I didn't want to mention the panic attack. I didn't even want to bring it up in front of Eren again. I didn't want to think about it at all.

 

The drive to Erwin's place took a lot longer than usual, because of the blocked roads and deep snow drifts. We finally made it and Eren ran inside as soon as we got there, cursing at the cold air on his soaked clothes.

 

“The power is still on here?” I asked as we walked through the door.

 

“Somehow. I'm sure it'll get knocked out soon.” Erwin shrugged and we all kicked off our soaked shoes at his door. “Eren, the bathroom is right down the hall. I know you've gotta be freezing.”

 

“A little.” Eren nervously laughed and I took his hand and led him down the hall. Somehow the bags managed to not be wet by some miracle. At least he'd have some dry clothes.

 

I closed the door to the bathroom and placed the bag in the corner, before stripping off my coat and shirt.

 

“Go ahead and take a shower first, Levi.” Eren offered as he peeled off his dripping shirt.

 

“Are you insane? Get your ass in there.” I barked. “I'm fine. You're freezing.”

 

He smiled at me and kicked off the jeans that were plastered to his skin. He started the shower and I began washing my hands in the sink. I'm not sure how I avoided a second panic attack, but I had. The itch was even gone, leaving me with just the unpleasant feeling of drying mud on my skin.

 

“Holy shit this feels good.” Eren moaned as he stepped under the hot water. I looked at him through the glass shower door (a special thanks to the contractor's on this design choice). All the grime was rinsing away and I watched him stand under the hot water until the steam took over the glass. “Levi. You can look at me any time, you know. My body isn't just for showering.” Eren chuckled from inside the shower and I felt my face heat up.

“I-I was just-” I stuttered and turned to dig through the bag. “I was seeing if you were ready for shampoo!” I grabbed it and handed it to him through the shower door. He winked at me as he took it and I immediately fell in love with that devious side of him. Eren seemed too perfect to be real. It was hard to believe he was mine, that someone hadn't scooped him up yet.

 

 

 

“It's not that bad.” Eren sat on the guest bed after we were both done showering. He had refused to leave the bathroom to rest when it was my turn. I looked at the cut on his arm and frowned, before I wiped it with antiseptic.

 

“It's not good though. God knows muck got in that cut.” I shivered at the thought and cleaned it once more, just to be safe. “Was this bruise from the fall?” I looked at his arm and he looked away. It looked older.

 

“From back at the apartment.” Eren said quietly. “You smacked my arm away.”

 

My eyes went wide and I ran my fingertips over the mark. “I'm so so sorry. Eren, I would never hurt you on purpose-”

  
Eren leaned forward and in one swift movement, he muted my words by pressing his lips to mine.

  
“I know you wouldn't Levi. Don't worry about it.” He smiled at me and I felt tears sting my eyes. I continued my job of bandaging him up in silence, thinking about what he'd said. He really didn't seem too concerned about it, so I tried to let it go. If anyone knew how I lashed out at times like that, it was me. I'd hit Hanji more than a few times during a break down. Unintentionally of course.

 

“Thanks nurse.” Eren winked at me and I smiled at him. He knew just how to break the silence. He was corny, but I loved that about him.

 

“Are you feeling warmer, now?” Just as I asked, the lights flickered a couple of times, before the power cut off.

 

A collective “fuck” could be heard across the house. I reach for Eren's hand and he led me back to the living room, where Erwin had already started a fire in the fireplace.

 

I sat on the couch next to Eren and he snuggled close to me. “And yes. I'm much warmer now.” He whispered in my ear. I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up from his tone, but I made no move to move.

 

“Levi and Eren sitting in a tree-” Hanji started signing as she lit a few candles.

 

“K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” Erwin finished her song as he began carrying blankets into the living room.

 

“Ha Ha. Very funny.” I said as I rolled my eyes.

 

“If they insist-” Eren turned my chin towards him gently and brushed our lips together, ever so softly. I grinned against his lips.

 

The sound of breaking class broke us apart. Hanji was staring at us, one hand empty and a box of matches in the other.

 

“T-They...” She looked amazed. “How?!”

 

“Watch the glass!” Erwin grabbed her arm before she walked through the glass with her bare feet.

 

“Eren can touch you like that?” Hanji asked and I looked up at her.

 

“Yeah. Everything is different with him...” I trailed off and Erwin yanked Hanji back.

 

“I'll clean this up. Rest in peace little pumpkin spice candle. You will be missed.” Erwin walked off to grab a broom and Eren started cackling at Erwin's eulogy for the candle.

 

Hanji sat down next to me on the other side of the couch. “Levi, I'm so proud of you. You've made some amazing improvements lately. You have no idea how happy that makes me.” Hanji wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight. “All I've ever wanted is for you to be happy.” She whispered.

 

“I...I think I'm on the right track now.” I said as I hugged her back.

 

“I'm glad. And you-” Hanji pointed at Eren. “You've done a great job taking care of my best friend so far, so I guess we can be friends.” Eren started to laugh and Hanji stood up to help Erwin clean the glass.

 

I yawned and moved back to Eren's side. I was exhausted. It had been a long, emotionally tiring day.

 

“We're sleeping in here, I guess?” Eren asked.

 

“Yeah. In front of the fireplace.” I yawned again and pointed at the couch. “This sofa has a pull out bed.”

 

“It's a little cold, but I have leftover pizza if you guys want it.” Erwin offered.

 

“Fine with me.” Eren said. I just nodded and let my eyes slip shut for a few moments.

 

Eren insisted I eat and before Erwin had us stand up so he could make up the sofa bed. Hanji had pulled Erwin's mattress in the middle of the living room and started piling blankets on top.

 

“Hanji is going to share with me. Do you want me to make up the other sofa for you, Eren?” Erwin asked as he brought in more pillows.

 

“Eren can share with me.” I said shyly. “I-I mean if he doesn't mind.”

 

“Sounds great to me.” Eren smiled as he sat on the edge of the bed. I'd already stretched out and crawled under the blankets.

 

“Alright. Goodnight then.” Erwin blew out the candles and we only had the light of the fireplace left.

 

Eren climbed under the covers and kept his distance from me. I moved a little closer and reach my hand out to run though his still damp hair.

 

“I...I think it's okay.” I whispered and he moved closer. I'd never felt like this with anyone before. I could feel his warmth all the way from my toes up to my shoulders.

 

“Just tell me if I make you uncomfortable. Okay?” Eren mumbled back to me. I nodded and I moved a little closer, resting my head on his chest. His hand found my shoulder and I began to doze off as he rubbed soothing circles through my shirt.

 

“Goodnight.” I yawned and my hand came to rest next to my face on his chest.

 

“Night, Levi. Sweet dreams.”

 

 

 

 


End file.
